The Funeral

Entry from Monday, October 27, 2008

11:35pm.
Listening to:

"The Funeral" by Band of Horses
"Colorblind" by The Counting Crows
"Cannons" by Jeremy Enigk
"Heartbeats" by Jose Gonzales (originally by The Knife)

Music is the only thing that keeps me sane.
It moves me in many ways.
It teaches me to love and adore,
to hate and regret,
to feel and hurt,
to capture and release,
to think and let go.
My whole life is embedded in the music I listen to;
all my experiences are wrapped in these songs.
Every time I open one up I am connected to the people in them,
and the places I've been.



My heart is heavy right now.
The uncertainty of the future.
The person I'm becoming.
The reputation I'm making.
I've done so many things I can't take back.
I've given so much of myself I can't get back.
I should be grateful of all that's been given to me,
all that I've seen.
I'm missing something.
Every now and then,
I feel it.
I'm like a plant missing sunlight.
Moses, my cat, lays next to me satisfied.
I was gone for a week,
out of town.
My parents were in Florida seeing my Grandma in her last waking hours.
Moses was left in the house by himself.
Being back home, he is at peace now.
He needs me.
I love him.
We're connected.
To be needed by someone gives me a good feeling.
I want people to need me.
But sometimes I need someone.