This is an open and unfiltered diary-style journal
on the life of James Robert Smith.
This blog will contain sometimes graphic experiences (both beautiful and ugly),
sometimes stark insight, and all honest and factual documentation of dreams, diet, activity, and thoughts.
Around 2:40pm I get out of bed feeling like shit. My throat is a little sore and my body aches. I imagine a worse case scenario: wearing a body suit made of hundreds of tiny knives poking at my skin.
DREAM: I walk up into the attic of the house and find Phil sitting at a desk he’s constructed out of cardboard and other miscellaneous items. ☼☼☼☼☼ I walk into the Women’s Accessories Department of a store. I talk to an older guy wearing thick grey glasses and show him my list of things I need to buy. He explains to me that they don’t have these items here at the store. Another employee, male and a lot younger, asks me if I am still looking for a house. On a previous visit I was. I tell him, “Not this time.” I continue explaining to the older guy that I am certain they have everything I am looking for, so I go on a big spiel: “I know you have these items. I was just in here two different times within the past two weeks!” He keeps talking while I’m speaking and it’s annoying. I finally place my hand over his mouth and whisper to him, ”Shut up. Just shut up.” There’s a few seconds of silence. “Look, I know you have protocol with customers but customers are people.” He tries to say something. Immediately, I grapple my hands around his head and speak sternly into his face, “You need to use wisdom…and your brain!”
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon, Brown Sugar, and Blueberries. Immune Defense. Two tablets of Ibuprofen and a little Orange Juice.
Elliott, Phil, and Kyle show me a letter from the city found on our door stating we had seven days to remove “old mattresses, springs, chair, etc. atop trailer in your yard”. We move the mattresses to the backyard.
Phil and I make a trip to the post office, CHKD thrift store, Big Lots, and Trader Joe’s.
Lunch: Creamy Tomato Soup with Garlic Croutons. Tuna Salad Sandwich. Green Oolong Tea.
My body starts to feel much better.
I work on lyrics for new songs.
Dinner: Ramen Noodles with Broccoli, Mushrooms, and Corn. Garlic Naan Bread.
Yesterday, JoAnna had suggested we sing a song together at the show coming up at Bean There. So she comes over and we rehearse a Weezer B-side. Coincidentally, she is wearing a Weezer t-shirt. She hangs out at the house for quite a long time as we share stories and music. We drink cups of tea and talk about our song writing techniques. A lovely evening with a different kind of human being.
I snack on some Dry-Roasted Edamame and a lot of Cranberry Oatmeal Dunkers from Trader Joe’s. Earlier, Phil and Rocky had gone dumpster diving at Trader Joe’s and brought back some goodies including the Dunker Cookies.
DREAM: I’m with some guys walking down the street of a big city. We are aware that Justin Timberlake and The Backstreet Boys live across the street from each other. We pass their apartment buildings and approach the AMC movie theater. The deadbolt on the front door is locked in, causing the door to stay propped open. We walk in to conduct some kind of investigation but find out the place is closed. A man is working there and offers to give us the show times. We’re not supposed to let him know what we’re doing there. I start looking at a stack of B-horror movies on VHS that you can rent from the theater. One of them is titled “Dragavampire” or “Dragaphantom” and with “XXXVIII” tagged on the end of it. Apparently there are 7 or 8 of them. The cover is a cityscape with a gold glow to it. And the monster is in the center on top of a building.
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon, Brown Sugar, and Blueberries. Orange Mango Juice. Zinc and Biotin.
While making breakfast, Phil sadly informs me the tarp somehow fell off the mattresses. I guess the heaviness of the rain or the wind pulled it off. I’m forced to be “in the painful state of openness”.
I run to get a few groceries.
I put on The Notwist’s record, The Devil, You + Me and stretch my body out.
Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Green Oolong Tea.
Chris, Chad, and I practice at the storage unit.
My voice is weak and I start to notice my throat becoming slightly itchy.
I meet Becca, Ian, and Frankie at Waffle House. Our usual booth is taken so we choose the far corner. I eat a bowl of Bert’s Chili with Saltine Crackers and a cup of Coffee with Cream and Sugar. Becca confesses to purchasing a Mary Kay product from someone that came into her salon. Ian explains Slaughterama that’s happening in Richmond this weekend. Becca and I continue hanging out at her house. I write a song about being cell phone crazy. An ant is crawling on the guitar. I am certain he managed to come from my van. Hanging on the E string, he vibrates as I strum. The whispering. The white elephant and the nightscape.
“Cover me. Comfort me. Come for me. You come for me. Comfort me. Cover me.” - Deerhunter
My stomach is upset from the Chili I ate earlier. I drink Green Tea Ginger Ale and eat Garlic Toast, a Banana, and a Dove Peanut Butter Chocolate Bar.
I clean my teeth then read some of Notebooks of a Naked Youth. “Before, I had almost felt normal but now my heart jumps in my chest in fear and anticipation. It is as if she is a dark star and I am to be sucked into her heart and dashed to smithereens.”
DREAM: I’m tour managing this new pop group consisting of two female singers and 6 or 7 other male musicians including myself as a guitar player. We’re on tour with two other bands. There’s confusion over the money split after a show. I look over a sheet of paper with a bunch of calculations and percentages on it.
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon and Blueberries, Orange Mango Juice, Zinc and Biotin.
Work at China Wok.
Lunch: Regular Chili Cheese Coney from Sonic, Salt N Vinegar Chips, Banana, Water.
Phil and I pick up a few mattresses on the street.
Dinner: Rice and Red Peppers, Corn, Onions. Artichoke Hearts. Red Wine. Tapioca Pudding.
Chris Cloud sticks around and we play a few rounds of foosball.
I feel lonely and a little incomplete.
I clean my teeth and shower. The rain is steady coming down. I hear Phil singing softly in the attic. The melody combined with the rain tapping on the roof makes for a soothing combination of sounds. I relax on the couch and read Notebooks of a Naked Youth and some of Renee’s poems that she left here. I remember seeing earlier that the tarp Phil and I put over the mattresses had fallen off somehow. The mattresses, open to the flood of water coming from the sky, completely incompetent and vegetative, have no control of covering themselves. I feel like one of them, open…open to the elements with no ability of protecting myself. I have no choice but to let the rain seep through my threads and coils and cleanse my bed to the core. I get inspired and grab Phil from the attic and demand we pull the tarp over the mattresses immediately. We take care of business and now I am covered.
I make a cup of Blackcurrant Tea and chomp down on some Crackers as Phil and I discuss some observations we made from Show N Tell.
Sleep around 6:30am.
[i] Decorated marker head by Richard. Image by me.
DREAM: I’m walking along the side of the road across the street from my Dad’s old neighborhood in Dudley, North Carolina. Further downhill I see a strange red tree with these cotton ball blossoms the size of volleyballs. I pick one off and rub my hand around the body and consider eating it, but then I notice a few prickly stems sticking out of it and one of them sticks on my hand like a splinter. An unfamiliar middle-aged couple walks up to me offering raspberries they just picked off the side of the road. Phil is standing there with them. I look at their hands and they look more like blackberries. I point their attention to the cotton blossoms on the strange red tree, “I just want to find out if it’s safe to eat that.” I look over and there is a line of people waiting in front of a gate. A guard is about to let them through. The couple explains to me that I get to be first in line. I don’t know what’s behind that gate. I tell the guard, never mind. He opens the gate and people flourish around a fresh water brook. The people had been without water for a long time apparently. I join in and drink. I walk further down the hill away from everybody and find a huge display of signs reading about the history of the area, as if I was in a state park or something. They explain how 200 years ago a slew of Russian immigrants started a community in a desert here in North Carolina. I see a wall of photos showing different Russian people, churches, and other old buildings. The water people follow over to me and start to read the signs. I keep reading hoping to find something about the cotton blossoms and if they’re edible or not.
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon and Blueberries, Orange Mango Juice, Zinc and Biotin.
Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato, Salt N Vinegar Chips with Avocado, Banana, Green Oolong Tea.
Work at China Wok. As I’m driving around, I notice all the trees have blossomed with white flowers. Deep down into Inlynnview Road, I deliver an order to a lady with a long driveway. An inlet from the lake sits between her house and her neighbor’s. It jogs my memory from the dream I had with the water brook. She also has a cherry blossom tree in her yard that has fully bloomed. I connect this to the cotton blossoms from the strange red tree in my dream. I didn’t mention this in the pervious entry but I saw other things throughout yesterday that related to my dream from the night before, subtle similarities.
Richard makes a surprise visit to the house. I stretch and use the ab-roller.
Dinner: Pasta with Garlic Sautéed Spinach and Garlic Bagel Toast.
I watch Fletch [1985].
I talk with Renee over the phone while I do the dishes. The prodigal son returns: Phil walks in the house after being gone for a week. We discuss his trip and talk about how important physical communication is in relationships.
I install a video projector on the ceiling using a small cardboard box, some Velcro tape, and Sonic stickers.
I go to the storage unit and practice a song I’m going to share at SHOW N TELL Sunday night.
Around 3:40pm I wake up. Josiah needs to borrow the key to the storage unit.
DREAM: I walk into a clothes shop within a shopping plaza. They just put out a new summer collection including these white pants with cream and salmon colored stripes. I see the pants folded and stacked all around the store. A girl approaches me. She starts asking about what kind of music I listen to. I reply, “I’m just here to shop.” She’s being kind of intrusive and follows me everywhere I go. I start looking at their VHS collection. “We just got that one in today! Do you like those kind of movies?” Someone is calling her on the walkie-talkie in her belt loop. Luckily, she has to go do something and leaves. I continue browsing the aisles and notice another employee walking by dressed in brown tights and a stylish purple jacket. She stares at the floor, which is marble, and laughs about something in the reflection. Later, I walk up to her and ask her what she was laughing at. She points and then I see there’s a brown streak of some sort smeared across the floor. I feel somewhat attracted to her and we continue talking about mundane things. Eventually, I leave the store and traverse down a big hill. Cars are parked all over and I have to climb over them in order to reach the bottom. Somehow, when I climb over this red vintage car, I manage to peel the top of it off on accident. I try to put it back in place and continue downhill. After traveling through an apartment lobby and getting on the wrong elevator, I finally make it to the apartment I’m supposed to go to. A red sponge is placed in front of the door and I hear a deep male voice talking out of it trying to communicate with me. Whoever it is thinks I’m a girl and they’re trying to have phone sex. I ignore it and go inside. A young couple is babysitting. I go directly to a computer desk and Kenneth, our Landlord’s son, walks in asking if anybody came to the door. He’s concerned if I heard anything out of the sponge and apologized if I did. I start playing a boxing video game with some kid. The kid is on a different computer in another room. I win the first three matches. I keep picking these monstrous characters. Every time I select one, a biography video plays explaining each character’s story. One of them is “The Skeleton Girl”. It shows a young girl locked in a cage made of six round scythe blades being submerged in a pool of lava. She arises as a skeleton and seeks revenge on whoever did this to her. I select her and win a flawless victory.
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran with Cinnamon and Blueberries, Orange Juice, Zinc and Biotin.
I practice some music on the guitar.
Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato, Salt N Vinegar Chips with Avocado, Green Oolong Tea.
Work at China Wok.
Dinner: Perogies with Yogurt and Dill Dip. Rice, Corn, Red Pepper, and Onion Mix.
51st Street in Norfolk. Kensuke’s Going Away Party. I perform dual drums with Eric while Gabe deejays. I scan the faces in the crowd. I like to watch the music and the beats inspire movement in people. Everybody is one rhythm in this room. Beautiful black girls take over the dance floor and the microphone. They surround me and call me “The Cool Guy”. Their presence is unavoidable and I can’t help but be apart of their energy and zest.
On the way home, I eat four Chocolate Chip Cookies.
I put on Another 48 Hours [1990] while I relax to a cup of Blackcurrant Tea and Applesauce. Nick Nolte is great.
DREAM: I’m with Emily, Margot, and a tall unfamiliar guy. It’s dark outside and we’re getting ready to jump down this green kiddie slide that’s a part of a giant playground. We’re all standing at the top. Emily goes first. Then Margot bends over to sit down on the slide. I look and she’s wearing only a white bra and this weird fishnet thong. The guy is staring at her ass in awe. I felt a little uncomfortable. Eventually, I’m already at the bottom of the slide, now inside of a shed. Below me is dirt. I’m holding the power cord for my laptop and it’s broken. I can see a metal coil that’s loose. I try to stick it into the input on my laptop but it won’t work. I have projects to do so this is frustrating. I start typing this weird symbol “◙” and it appears in mid air. Somehow I have the ability to manifest these symbols with my hand creating a straight line all the way to the other side of the shed.
◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙ I decide it would be a good idea to make more lines using the opposite symbol “◘” along the other side of the shed perpendicular to it and then take a photo of it. ◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon and Blueberries, Orange Juice, Zinc and Biotin.
I clean and vacuum out my van thoroughly and put ant traps down.
Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato, Salt N Vinegar Chips with Avocado, Green Tea.
I practice Yoga using a VHS tape I picked up at a thrift store.
I use my ab-roller while I watch some of Amores Perros [2000].
Dinner: Perogies with a Yogurt Dill Dip. Corn, Onions, and Red Pepper Stir Fry with an Egg.
Art and I have a long conversation in the living room. We cover these issues: the history of languages, problems and how people cope with them, movies, and diet.
I learn some Russian on Rosetta Stone.
I attempt to bake Chocolate Chip Cookies from scratch. I put in too many baking pans at once causing the bottoms of half the cookies to burn. I finish watching the Amores film while eating the good ones with Milk. The movie leaves me feeling unresolved.
I get rid of unused programs on my computer and work on some dream recordings.
DREAM: I join a team of 20 men to explore a planet outside our solar system. Phil Gray and a few other familiar people from my childhood are there. We travel to the planet in hyper sleep and arrive directly on base. There’s a gymnasium, a cafeteria, classrooms, basically everything a school would have. All of us are put on a list randomly to decide who goes to each part of the planet. Every man gets to choose a girl companion to take with him. Phil and I are first on the list. We’re flying above this strange green forest together searching for a place to land. We find a spot in this narrow valley. The walls are glowing orange and brown. Two medieval looking midgets run by throwing spears but missing us on purpose. Phil takes note of this. The scene switches instantly. I’m sitting next to some sort of king. He’s skinny, green, and alien looking. He’s supposed to be the leader of the planet and I, his minstrel. I’m holding his hand in fear because an earthquake had just taken place. Now it’s the next day, and all 20 of us men are waiting in the cafeteria for our next assignment. The night before, there was a big club-like party on base and people from different parts of the planet were invited. I’m talking to some of the men and questioning where all those people had come from, like where they live and if it’s safe that they know about what we’re doing here. Everybody seems to be more focused on the girls they are being paired up with. Phil and I are last on the list this time.
Breakfast: one Scrambled Egg, one Mini-Bagel with Butter and Apple Butter Spread, Orange Juice, Zinc and Biotin.
I shave then clean my teeth.
I go to the Heritage Store at the beach to get more Burt’s Bee’s Deodorant. I enjoy smelling all the organic soaps they have. As soon as my nose hits this particular African Black Soap, my mind flushes with exotic daydreams of Egyptian like proportions. I add this to my purchases. ------- I see you prancing around in your purple earthy dress with that guy, boyfriend, friend, whoever he is to you. Don’t worry. I’m not in the least bit interested in approaching you nor do I feel attracted to you (just your charm). The way certain people appear fascinates me and I admire how all the people look so appropriately placed in here.
Lunch: Toasted Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jelly Sandwich, Baked Lay’s, Strawberry Yogurt, Green Tea.
I miss Phil. He’s gone for the week in Williamsburg and Richmond.
Coffee. Then I meet John Bray at his house to see the progress of Tokyo’s music video for “Fireplace”. We spend more time catching up on each other’s lives, chatting about recent films we’ve seen and about mundane problems.
I warm up the last of the leftovers of Baingan Bharta (Eggplant and Tomato) with Basmati Rice. I add Carrots, Garlic Toast, and a Boca Fake Chicken Patty and eat that for dinner while I finish watching First Born [1984]. Tapioca Pudding for dessert.
I practice some new songs on guitar.
I shower using my new African Black Soap.
I exercise a little while watching The Forgotten [2004], and then eat two Eggo Waffles with Dark Chocolate Sauce and Syrup.
I clean my teeth, learn some Russian, and then sleep around 6:30am.
DREAM: I get on an old train and sit down in a seat facing the right side. The dark green woods surround me and it’s a beautiful dreary night. As the train moves, there’s a conductor speaking through a pa system. He has a sinister tone in his voice as he talks about how haunted the whole area is. The train progresses quickly and swerves from side to side. I look up at the black sky. The stars are bright with a white pasty smear as if they were cirrus clouds. I feel scared but safe in the train. All of a sudden, the train reaches a dead end and has to stop. We’re at a station. It looks so bronze and antique. A few people are waiting to get on. I walk up to the front of the train for some food. I pick up these strange brown flat nuts attached to individual stems. They taste like a softer and butterier almond. I offer the nuts to the people around me.
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon and Blueberries, Orange Mango Juice, Zinc and Biotin.
I practice a new song on the painted guitar.
Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato, Salt N Vinegar Chips, Banana, Green Tea.
I pick up Chad from his house and we practice with Chris at the storage unit. We work out a new song I’ve written.
Dinner: Red Beans and Rice, Carrots with Ranch.
Margot brings over The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas [2008] and we watch it over Kahlua Mixed Drinks. It’s a sad story.
Leck makes a surprise visit.
Conversation over the phone:
“There always has to be a superior one and an inferior one.”
“So you feel nothing while I wallow?”
“I wouldn’t put it that way.”
“You need to figure out what’s best for you.”
I need another taste in my mouth so I grab a cup of Tapioca Pudding.
I learn some Russian on Rosetta Stone.
I clean my teeth then try to work on some sound recordings of a dream.
DREAM: At the entrance to my Dad’s old neighborhood in Dudley, North Carolina. An unusually large brown wall unit with lots of cabinets lined along the side of the road facing the entrance. An open trailer piece of a semi-truck guarding the entrance. I’m standing on top of the wall unit running back and forth from the left side to the right side. Strange dog creatures, coming from the woods, shoot out over top of the wall unit almost hitting me. It’s very startling. I jump inside the back of the trailer. There is a big stack of different shaped pillows blocking the view into a cavern. It doesn’t make any sense geographically. Further in, I see a white mass that vaguely resembles maggots and is supposed to represent Russia. The floor of the trailer becomes a conveyor belt and starts moving in the direction of the white mass. An Asian man is thrown into the trailer. He lies down on his side with a defeated look. I try to help him by using some of the pillows to block his movement further in. But he doesn’t seem interested in survival.
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon and Blueberries, Orange Juice, Zinc and Vitamin E.
I run to the bank, Big Lots, CHKD thrift store, and YMCA (to compare their membership rates. They’re too expensive compared to the Rec Center).
Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato, Salt N Vinegar Chips, Banana, Green Tea.
Art and I play a round of Tennis near Lynnhaven Middle School: I win 7 to 5.
I clean out my van and practice some music then Art follows me to Becca’s salon to get a haircut from her, and in return, give her a cheesecake. Art and I argue about the possibility of his speedometer being flawed. He claims to have been driving at 70 miles per hour the whole way there while, according to my speedometer, I was going 50 miles per hour. This would explain why he was driving so slow. I warm up some Spaghetti and Naan Bread for dinner along with some Carrots. Afterwards, Becca and I head to Waffle House. We find Gabe and Kal sitting in our usual booth. We join them. One of Kal’s roommates stops by too. “Which would you rather have? Would you choose progressive freedom or circular freedom?” I eat one Egg, a Cupcake, and two cups of Coffee. Becca and I go back to her house. Cryptic whispering. I am comfortable. I discuss with her the theory in the book of Revelation and if all of that were true, then none of our accomplishments as human beings would even matter. Most people can still fight for the memory of their footprint. But even that is futile and meaningless considering the complete sweeping of all life on planet Earth and the re-creation thereafter in the coming future. I come to the conclusion, despite this existentialist viewpoint, that experience is worth it; being apart of Time’s One Big Moment, even if it is just a spec on the wall of existence, is significant enough for me to keep living as if things are meaningful.
Back at home, I clean my teeth and go to sleep around 7am.
DREAM: Somebody died. They’re being buried in a pit with fresh cut fruit (watermelon, pineapple, oranges, cantaloupe). Everybody is waiting around the pit. I’m told I am supposed to join the person in the pit and the fruit is there to help me survive a little longer while I am buried with the person. I pick up a chunky piece of watermelon and take a bite. Sweet and delicious. I start to think about how claustrophobic I will be and how the lack of air will make me vomit.
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran with Cinnamon and Peaches, Orange Juice, Zinc and Vitamin E.
Lunch: Tuna Sandwich, Salt N Vinegar Chips, Green Tea.
Work at China Wok.
I stretch and exercise while watching some of First Born [1984].
Dinner: leftover Baingan Bharta (Eggplant and Tomato) with Basmati Rice and Naan.
I make more repairs on the painted guitar and string it up.
I eat 4 Chocolate Chip Cookies.
I continue working on some songs at the storage unit.
DREAM: Driving down Firefall Dr in my old neighborhood. Passing a lake. Brandon Hyatt waiting at a bus stop. Going to my old high school, Ocean Lakes. I’m taking a few classes to finish my college degree. I park. Students piling off school buses. I’m walking with two other people. Wearing a teal colored t-shirt with something like, “Jesus Is Coming!” displayed on it. I keep explaining to everyone how the school looks the same and nothing’s changed in 8 years. But, really, all of it looks different to me. The colors. The structure. Through the window I see a sign that says something about a Mae concert today. I can hear Zach sound checking his guitar. Confused because I wasn’t informed about the show. I tell my friends, “Mae’s playing. I’m supposed to be up there.” Walking into the big auditorium. High School kids are everywhere. Tyler and Andy talking to me, being sarcastic, bringing up jokes about tour. The room starts to look like a vast green meadow with a few sparse trees with overgrown ivy. All of a sudden, in a room with mood lighting and a huge projection screen. Messing with a button console on the wall trying to get certain lights to come on. By accident, the center of the projection screen moves out in a cylinder creating 3D images. People start walking in with boxes of stuff to put on a stage. Projection cylinder moves back into wall. A grey shabby cat. The cat runs through a hallway and down some stairs. I follow this cat in hopes of catching him. ☼☼☼☼☼ In the storage unit with my laptop and the garage door open. Margot is sitting in a chair. I show her how whenever I type “M” in Google Image Search, photos of her pop up. I start searching for a tie-dye background to put an image of her over. A guy from a few units down stops by and I give him this weird VGA cable that connects my laptop to a TV screen. He had let me borrow it the day before.
Breakfast: one Egg, one Mini-Bagel with Butter and Apple Butter Spread, Orange Mango Juice, Zinc.
I stretch to The BQE by Sufjan Stevens. Then sell a small entertainment center to a lady for $20.
I thoroughly vacuum around the house and in my room and organize things.
Lunch: Toasted Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jelly Sandwich, Baked Lay’s, Strawberry Yogurt, Green Tea.
Work at China Wok.
Ian comes over to the house and we make an Indian meal together. I make Baingan Bharta (Eggplant and Tomato) while Ian prepares Samosas with a Dill Yogurt Dip. We add Basmati Rice and Naan Bread. Phil, JP, Joey, Margot, and Ian’s girlfriend Frankie join in and we enjoy fine homemade Indian Cuisine along with India Pale Ales.
The Indian in the Cupboard [1995].
I make some repairs on the painted guitar and try to re-string it.
I eat Funfetti Cake with a glass of Milk.
I clean my teeth, read some of this comic that came with the vinyl, then sleep around 6am.
My alarm sounds off at 1:20pm. I get out of bed at 1:35pm. My body doesn’t feel rested.
DREAM: I’m riding in a car down on a two-lane road in the country somewhere. I start making up this song and sing it out loud, “brown town, brown town, going to brown town”. To the right of us, I see two rows of black and white cows attached to medical wires. They’re lined up perfectly and are supposed to represent some musical project I started. One of the cows is being taken away because of a malfunction. I continue singing and changing the words around in the car, “brown sound, brown sound, going to brown town.”
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon and Blueberries, Orange Juice, Zinc.
Chad, Elliott, and I have one last practice with Josiah for his music project, Color.
Lunch: Tuna Sandwich with Tomato, Baked Lay’s, Banana, Green Tea.
Work at China Wok.
Dinner: Vegetable Lo Mein.
Chad, Elliott, Josiah, and I play a show at Rusty Painter’s house as Color. I feel good about our performance. It’s nice seeing friends I haven’t seen in a while. I think it’s interesting how certain events or shows will bring people together, almost like a reunion.
Nestle Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookies with Milk and Murder by Numbers [2002]. Margot sits on the couch next to me while I type my day out on my computer. Phil works on a paper mache of Ambrotious on the floor in the dining room. Margot and Phil discuss the idea of having a planned water balloon fight. There would be teams with different colored water so when you hit someone you know what team hit them. They argue about food dye and where to get it. Some people are so transparent.
I put on the Sufjan Stevens vinyl I got in the mail yesterday from Renee and immediately I receive a call from her. I make Tea using Phil’s Yerba Mate as I talk to her about some internal conflicts she’s having.
Despite going to sleep around 4:30am last night, I still wake up at 2pm. I can’t seem to shake my body clock.
DREAM: In my house, people are scattered about in the living room and the kitchen. I’m in the bathroom with Emily and Elliott. Elliott tells me he just smoked up in the house. I get mad and explain to him somewhat sarcastically, “No smoking in the house, even if it’s weed! Outside or the attic.” I run into the living room and try to grab everyone’s attention, “Everyone, be quiet! I have something to say real quick.” It’s too difficult to get people to listen. All of a sudden, there’s a knock at the door. I open it slightly. It’s Joni, our landlord, and some lady friend of hers. They’re here for a surprise inspection. Immediately, I tell Emily to grab the cat and the litter box and go to the attic. All of us are in the hallway and Joni wants to see the attic. I pull down the attic door a little and notice the cat is trying to race out. I stall Joni, “Something’s been wrong with this door. Give me just a minute.” As Joni is looking the other way, I grab the cat and toss him to someone in the living room. Joni and the lady leave and everything seems to be okay. Just then, there’s another knock at the door. For some reason, we all sense danger. We turn out all the lights one by one. A group of black guys march into the house and try to steal the green rocking chair. I stop them and they start talking trash to me. Suddenly, nobody is in the house except for Emily and I. The black guys are at the door trying to get in. We run to Kyle’s room in the back so we can escape through the back door. I notice most of the furniture is gone in the house and in Kyle’s room. It has a Gothic sort of style to it. Emily and I run outside. We sit down on a picnic table next to a lake. There’s a bright fluorescent blue glow that shines from the bottom of the lake. I’m looking into the water and I can see all these strange dinosaur-like sea creatures with gnashing teeth. I hear a narrator describing the scene on the lake. Now, I’m running around to the front of the house and people are still chasing after me. I start flying up slowly. I’m up in the trees and they’re bigger than usual. I fly around the corner and into the city of Virginia Beach. It looks different, more like a big city. I think to myself how beautiful it looks because the sun has just risen. In sight is a Chinese temple/memorial. I’ve seen it in another dream before and have always wanted to go inside. I land perfectly on the roof. There are guards on every corner and entrance just below my level. I climb down trying not to be seen and start exploring the whole building. I walk around Chinese chefs cooking and stroll through a Zen garden hallway.
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon and Blueberries, Orange Mango Juice, Zinc and Vitamin B Complex.
While making my breakfast, Josiah tells me I got some kind of vinyl from Asthmatic Kitty Records. I’m not expecting anything from them. The whole vibe is kind of mysterious to me because I just woke up from a deep dream and I can hear moody and ethereal music coming from someone’s laptop in the other room. I open it up and it’s a vinyl of The BQE by Sufjan Stevens. I see that Renee had sent it to me. A while back I had let Renee borrow my Sufjan Stevens CD, Illinois (the rare copy with superman on it). She informed me recently that the CD had been misplaced and most likely lost. She searched everywhere high and low for it and expressed her sincere apologies. I guess this vinyl is like a gift of appeasement. This wasn’t necessary to maintain our friendship. I had already forgiven her. But I accept this gift and it makes me feel warm inside.
I make some repairs on the dresser I found and clean up a couch.
Lunch: Tuna Sandwich with Tomato, Salt N Vinegar Chips, Banana, Green Tea.
Phil and I go to the Taj Bazar Indian Grocer to collect ingredients for an eggplant dish we plan to make in a few days. We drive to Oceanview in Norfolk to deliver a couch to a lady for $50. While looking for her house, we drive by the harbor and notice how beautiful it looks. The sun is almost done setting and there’s a blue glow to the water. We see a sailboat making it picturesque. Earlier, over the phone, the lady recognized me from a mattress sale I made to her a few months ago. She remembered my voicemail and my green mini-van. Before leaving her neighborhood, Phil and I discover a pile of junk and obtain a decent amount of groceries that had just been thrown out and a few paintings.
Dinner: Bean, Rice, and Cheese Burrito with Carrots and Ranch, a cup of Tapioca Pudding.
Emily leaves to go to school in Savannah, Georgia for a few months. It’s a sad time. A bunch of us see her out. Of course, she takes Ambrotious with her. I will miss my cuddles with him. And Emily will be missed around 1623.
Chad, Elliott, and I practice with Josiah at the storage unit for his music project, Color. We’re playing a house show the next day.
I eat two Eggs and two Eggo Waffles with a cup of Milk.
Art talks to Phil and I in the kitchen about his country’s state of affairs and what it was like when he was living there before he moved to America.
I drink a cup of coffee while talking over the phone for an hour. Afterwards, I achieve my third smiley face text of the day.
I rearrange the dining/dance room while Phil and I discuss different things and ideas.
DREAM: I’m driving a car in California down a long and winding road on a steep hill. I can see cars struggling to drive up on the other side of the road. I feel scared like I’m going to tip off the side. At some point, the road gets so steep it almost turns upside down. It just keeps going and going. I have to press on the brakes when I see a slow car. Eventually, I pass a yellow Lamborghini that looks like it submerged under the dirt and grass. I stop and walk over to see if anyone is in it. Other people start to pull over and help.
I eat a Banana to tide me over and then Emily and I get Brunch at Doc Taylor’s. I eat “The Left Side” which includes French Toast, two Eggs, two strips of Bacon, and Orange Juice. We meet up with Art and Phil at the tennis courts near Lynnhaven Middle School and play a few hours of tennis.
2:55pm I get out of bed. Earlier, I was thinking and listening to the commotion outside my room of doors opening and closing and footsteps. I walk into the living room and find Caitlin Pasko and Phil on the couch talking.
DREAM: In front of a house, I’m putting together this skateboard show. The yard is hilly and there are tables where people are eating. A kid strolls by wearing a giant white shirt exclaiming that he already started this skateboard show down the street. His shirt said something about Virginia Beach Skateboarding. Aaron and I are questioning him about it.
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon and Blueberries, Orange Juice, Zinc and Vitamin E.
Caitlin, Phil, and I decide to go to some thrift stores but end up stopping at a shopping plaza just past Witchduck Rd. They order some subs inside a hole in the wall joint. I eat Tuna with Mayonnaise and Corn in a cup, Salt N Vinegar Chips with Avocado, and Green Tea. We walk around inside an Indian grocer called Taj Bazar and then into an Asian bakery that serves bubble tea. I eat an Egg Custard. We decide it would be a good idea to come back to Taj Bazar and cook up an Indian dish one night this week.
I go to the storage unit to play the piano and test out some electric guitars I haven’t used in a while.
Dinner: Spaghetti with Spinach and Garlic Toast, a Beer from Trader Joe’s.
Phil and I watch Lars Von Trier’s Dancer in the Dark [2000]. I exercise a little. The film surprises me in a positive way. I did not expect it be musical or have so much singing from Bjork. Hand-held cameras have an interesting effect on the movie.
Art and I play Foosball: I win 3. Art wins 2.
I read a Facebook note Margot posted about blogging. It causes me to think about some of the reasons I started this blog. One of them is to train myself to be more honest and open on a personal level and on a public level. But no one is forcing me to do this. I'm free to be as detailed as I want to be. I'm free to write the way I want to write. I'm free to think the way I want to think. I'm free to live the way I want to live. I have never lied in these blogs.I admit I have left some details out. Sometimes I do this to protect the innocent. Maybe a person that is involved doesn’t want their actions shown to the public eye. But I hope to become more descriptive as time goes on and learn to face the judgments and the criticism. It's a hard thing to overcome. It's a major discipline in honesty. It is a form of expression. I don't need people to read it. But they are attracted to things they don't have the courage to do themselves, and especially to an open-face journal. It's good documentation for me to look back on as well. Don't worry. The window into my conflicted and fleeting life will only get bigger over time. Becoming transparent is a difficult thing to do. But I choose to do it.
Some thoughts from Phil on journaling: “one must be selective when it comes to documenting. there are even important things that must be left out of the picture. there is always self-fashioning, there is always framing, in any form of expression. everyone has their biases. no one can accurately write from the perspective of the person that any one of us sees them as. and just as you write a thesis statement for an essay and try not to get too off topic, the motivation behind any such project is that there's something that you want to communicate, whether conscious or unconscious. any kind of daily journaling should be encouraged, especially when it's dated and it attempts to be honest, no matter how much it includes or leaves out. it will serve as the basis for future retrospection. it'll be easy for the journalist to recall the things left out by the context of the things included. human memory is good at solving for x. journaling is an expansion of the memory. memory is an expansion of consciousness. consciousness is an expansion of understanding, and understanding, an expansion of love.”
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