DREAM: Upstairs in my parent’s room—in the first house I lived in on Goodard Drive, when my sister was still alive. On the bed—a sexual escapade with a beautiful unfamiliar Asian girl. It’s frustrating at times because she keeps putting her pants back on even after I take them off. And she won’t let me finish my orgasm. Eventually we get up. I hear my mom downstairs. She’s calling out my name. I don’t want her to know I’ve been in her room doing what we were doing. I go back to get my cell phone and personal things. She’s at the bottom of the stairs and notices the girl, “Oh…” “Hey mom, this is…” I introduce my new friend.
6:20 p.m. I get out of bed.
My nose is tamer now. But my body aches a little.
Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran with Cinnamon, Brown Sugar, and Blueberries. Immune Defense Drink.
Talking to my dad on the phone—family conflicts with his sister Pansy. He expresses to me how happy he is being with Erika, his wife. He feels like a sort of savior to her. He goes on a genuine spiel about how the older he gets the more he feels he should do for others.
I’m probably not going to see him like I planned—I’d rather be healthy and well, and on a somewhat normal sleeping schedule.
Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Oolong Tea.
In the kitchen, Doug and I are making Grilled Cheeses.
Elaina’s dad is standing there at the door recounting the golden years when he was our age. “Man I remember seeing The Circle Jerks play at The Wave…it was the best fucking concert I’ve ever seen.”
Talking about a house show he saw where Crucifix, an 80’s punk band, played, “I was sitting next to the guy, the lead singer, you know with a green mohawk and liberty spikes. He’s just eating a can of beans he stole from the fridge. And I’m thinking these guys are rats. They’re just walking human rats that can play guitar.”
“I remember tripping out my first time…I’m clean now…but Lynyrd Skynyrd performed a concert right on the tip of my eyeballs!”
Watching I’m Still Here [2010] with Doug. “…is a portrayal of a tumultuous year in the life of actor Joaquin Phoenix. With remarkable access, the documentary follows the Oscar-nominee as he announces his retirement from a successful film career in the fall of 2008 and sets off to reinvent himself as a hip hop musician. The film is a portrait of an artist at a crossroads and explores notions of courage and creative reinvention, as well as the ramifications of a life spent in the public eye.”
A hoax of a hoax?
Stretching. Ab crunches.
Art wants me to help him sell this 3 in 1 coffee maker valued at $65. He won it on www.QuiBids.com for like $2. On this website you can win all kinds of stuff at incredibly cheap prices.
I’m kind of craving some coffee but concerned it might not mesh well with my sickness. So I type it into google and find some information on “Yahoo Answers”. This is frustrating because everybody’s submission holds the opposite opinion from the other. “I think our fate as a Google generation is confusion.” If my mother told me it wasn’t good to drink coffee when you’re sick, I would believe her. But now that I have access to beliefs from a guy in San Francisco, a girl in Austin Texas, a woman in Canada, and an Asian in New York, I am left to a choice, a choice to believe who I want to believe. Google lacks individual experience. But how in the world would we survive without him?
Drinking Green Tea and eating a Hard Boiled Egg.
Margot stops by. She’s concerned about our dirty laundry being out there for the public to read, more importantly to our friends. People will make their judgments about our relationship. And they will make their judgments about me. But “no one will ever know what it’s like to be us.” Nobody knows what it is like to really be me—the conflicting emotions going on in my head. I can only write so much and then only convey a portion of a feeling of an experience. But that’s the whole point of this blog/journal project. My life is an open book. You’re not forced to read it. When I’m done (if I’m ever done) then I’ll have a whole year of my life documented. Who knows, maybe 30 years or 40 years documented.
Apparently, when I write about her I make her look dumb. My intention is to portray the reality of a situation; sometimes only a snippet is needed. If only I had my own film crew shooting all these outrageous scenarios then maybe you would understand the behavior. Yes, sometimes people look dumb, act dumb, and say dumb things. I have my share. It happens; we let the worst get the best of us.
Dumpster Diving at Trader Joe’s. OMG! SO MUCH FOOD….The biggest haul I’ve done yet.
Eggs, Salmon, Tilapia, Turkey, Chicken, Peanut Butter filled Pretzels, Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups, Eggplant Parmesan Meals, Brussels Au Gratin, Grapefruit, Apples, Plums, Persimmons, Peppers, Pita and Hummus, and bags and bags and bags of Bread of all sorts.
Eating Persimmons, a Blueberry Scone, and Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups.
I’ve taken most of the bags of bread and put it out on the porch—free for the taking. I posted a free ad on Craigslist. I expect most of it to be gone. This will be my good deed for Thanksgiving.
Talking with my mom on the phone—she’s driving late a night from northern Florida headed home.
Eating a bowl of Chicken Noodles Soup with Pita and Hummus.
Watching The Human Centipede: First Sequence [2009]. A modern horror flick—quite sick and twisted—unpredictable—but exactly as it sounds. Roger Ebert refused to even assign this movie a star rating saying, “[The film] is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don't shine.”
Sleep around 8:30 a.m.
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