Sunday May 22 2011

My eyes are glued shut. It’s after 9 a.m. and she’s waking me up. Driving her to work then heading home for a few hours until I have to be at my job.

Breakfast: Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese. Orange Juice. Zinc.

Full day shift at China Wok.

Texting…

Me: “i love you and i want to be with you but not with the monster you become when you drink.”

Her: “I feel bad about this and I don’t think you deserve that. I love you but I don’t think this is as big a problem as you’re making it seem.”

Delivering here and there all the while that HOT. MUGGY. SUN. is seeping through every pore in my body.

Chugging down an Honest Ade Orange Mangosteen.

If you think you’ve found perfect beauty, you have every right as an imperfect human to be skeptical.

Quick break at the house. Cutting up and enjoying one of the best Watermelons—crisp, juicy, sweet. I’ve been waiting for the perfect one to start off the summer right and here it is. I think of my mom every time I eat watermelon.

Lunch: Mixed Nuts. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

This day is long. It’s not incredibly busy but the orders are consistent enough to keep me going. Over a hundred and thirty miles of driving. Phew.

Back home. Everyone is watching House.

Dinner: Sun Dried Tomato Chicken. Fetuccini Tortellini. Green Beans. Naan Bread with Fresh Garlic.

Rehearsing a scene from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Emily. We’ll be performing it at an audition for Stephanie’s film. I don’t have much acting experience but it’s a fun process orchestrating the lines and gestures trying to get the most out of the moment. After a few run-throughs we invite Kelley, James, and Wesley to watch us. Kelley, a little tipsy off Vodka, gives us a thorough critique on our portrayal of the scene.

It’s incredibly hot in my room—The AC is still not working properly, well, really not at all.

Margot shows up—recapping last night and my perspective in a professional manner. She’s taking it in—listening and being apologetic, at least in expression. I can tell she really understands the effects of these drunken episodes. It’s not always negative. There are the sweet and silly moments to laugh at. The problem is it’s too easy to set her off. And I just don’t know how to handle it. We point this out in our conversation. “I really want to film you sometimes so you can literally see yourself.” Even though this is the hot topic of the night, our interaction is at a homeostasis, the way I like it and wish it to stay. She’s lovable this way. My lovely lovah baby.

“I want to eat cereal but we have no milk. Get me some milk please.”

She’s the best because that’s exactly what she does and thoughtfully includes a mango.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat.

Watching Edmond [2005].

Sleep 4:20 a.m.