DREAM: In a bedroom with a newly acquainted girl. There’s tension and talk of having sex. Something interferes and I’m drawn to the other side of the room where I immediately interact with Margot. She’s wearing a sexy “going out” dress. I’m touching and caressing her legs and mid-body parts. In the dream state we’ve been out of contact for a while, similar to the waking life situation. There’s a drive and attraction that’s hard to resist. I lift up her dress and we start having sex, but only briefly. At some point I lie down on my back expecting her to mount on top of me. She’s half naked and ready to go but hesitant. Even though I’m itching and feeling impatient, I don’t make it known to her. I just wait. She’s just standing there, exposed, with a somber look on her face—indecisive. The more she thinks the more reluctant she is. The dream moves forward with no satisfaction on both our ends.
Waking up just after 11 a.m.
Boston Éclair. Simply Orange Juice.
All day shift at China Wok.
Ahh. The first pangs of autumn are here—the air is cool as tea tree…
White Peach.
I really love this day and it’s atmosphere—dismal, inviting, calm.
You…
I miss my mother. She sent me an email the other day…
Hey Son!
Loved listening and talking to you, need to spend some time with you, for real. I have a lot of friends, got family too, and of course I have my sweet Jimmy..... but sometimes only you can be the one. We have a deep connection and I believe we always will when we begin to share with each other it is so vital and becomes woven into what is happening in our lives! Anyway, lets talk again soon. We are talking bout a trip to VA, hope it is soon...I know we will make time for each other, would be so good. Are you planning a trip around the Christmas season to FL????
…
Love you bunches!!!!!!!!!!!
MOM
Lunch: Egg Sandwich with Tomato and Mayonnaise. Blue and Yukon Gold Potaot Chips. Pomegranate Ade. Blueberry Yogurt.
The night goes on…
You…
Applesauce.
A sluggish shift…
Finally off work.
Dinner: Lemon Chicken. Rice with Onions and Mixed Vegetables.
My fortune cookie says, “We should not expect from others what we cannot do ourselves.”
Finishing Prayer to a Vengeful God [2010].
There’s something haunting about watching a passionate kiss displayed on the screen. I wish I were a part of that. How I miss this the most.
Iced Coffee.
At the storage unit slaving away—tracking vocals for the Dream Girl song—so much productivity!
I arrive home a little after 3 in the morning and find the living room turned upside down—well at least the coffee table. People got way too live here. Lauren must’ve just gotten home cause she’s thoroughly upset about it. She also lost her keys in Norfolk and had to leave her car there…something’s really wrong. She starts crying in the hallway. I offer an embrace…
Me: “Hey…come here…everything’s okay.”
But it’s definitely not. These minor nuisances have almost nothing to do with the deeper burden she’s carrying all by herself…she let’s it out tonight. Carmen finds us outside sitting/kneeling on the soaked sidewalk and joins the comfort fest. Lauren tells us a little more and cries a little more.
Me: “That’s what we’re here for…to make it lighter for you.”
I rub her back directly over the Smashing Pumpkins tattoo….
Afterwards. We share Hazelnut Spread bagels: a good remedy.
Sleep 5 a.m.
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