DREAM: In some kind of storefront. It seems unorganized in here, as if the store is closing down or just moving in. I’m sitting in the back of the room up on a barstool at a table typing things into my laptop minding my own business. There’s a few people congregating up front. It’s understood now that this is Volume CDs, the old record store that Adam used to run by Lynnhaven mall. I’m nervous because Adam is there. We catch each other’s eye. He casually approaches the back where I’m sitting. I notice a little more length in his hair—shaggy. No harsh words are exchanged but rather we attach our hands and lean in for one of those shoulder-man hugs. He speaks to me, not with sarcasm or awkwardness, but with confidence and a clear effort to be cordial. As he leaves the table he mentions an event happening on the 5th at The Naro. I didn’t understand if he was inviting me to it or just promoting it. I have a huge smile on my face during this whole interaction, not because it’s funny but because it’s a good feeling to reconcile and be on good terms with anyone. ☼☼☼ I’m backing out of a parking spot in front of China Wok, about to run a delivery. I’m listening to my voicemails. There’s one from Raven. She sounds sincere and emotional—reiterating her decision to respect Adam’s request to cease contact with me. Something at the end of the message hits me hard, in a positive way. I can’t remember what was said but it was warm and left me with a general feeling of hope in our friendship. There’s a huge smile on my face…
Waking up a little after 11:30 a.m. Obviously my subconscious has just as much to say as my waking conscious.
Pluot Plum. Orange Juice. Zinc.
My mind is cloudy, so cloudy.
It’s mid-afternoon. Delivering an order to Kroger. While I’m there, I decide to pick up some grapes, milk, and eggs. I choose the line that has only one customer left but unfortunately there are still a lot of items on the conveyor belt. But it’s worth the wait cause I’m familiar with the girl working the cash register and I find her fairly attractive.
Upon seeing me she says, “You look like you just woke up.”
“It feels like it,” I reply.
Lunch: Egg Sandwich with Mayonnaise and Tomato. Blue and Yukon Gold Potato Chips. Honey Green Tea.
While I’m eating I take interest in this mini songbook from the 70’s lying on the card table called The Genesis Songbook (songs for getting it all together)…
“Someone has said, ‘Life is an endless series of new beginnings, abrupt changes and new affirmations.’ To be alive spiritually is to be able to change, adapt, move, drop-out and start all over again—and again—”
I’m getting used to these dreary days—this lack of sunshine. The heat rays were overwhelming anyway. I wrap myself up in the dark grey clouds—they comfort me…
Oreo Cookie Dough Blizzard.
The football game is surprisingly affecting business this evening in a negative way…
Dinner: Black Beans with Onions and Rice. Vegetable Gyoza. Budweiser.
1435 house meeting.
Night talks with Amanda in front of Wawa by the picnic tables…
There’s an older guy across the way at another table studying paperwork inside binders and folders. Afraid we might bother him with our conversation…but he doesn’t mind…
…
Me: “The only time that I’ve been prohibited to communicate with anybody was when you’re a kid and your mom’s like I don’t like the friends that you hang out with. That’s what I feel like this is and I’ve never had to experience that at the age of 27.”
…
Me: “You get to a certain point in life where you come to accept the fall of humanity…Not that you think it’s right to be this way…You see where humanity should improve…So when I look at any situation I see myself. I’ve been there. The older you get the easier it is to be honest.”
…
Me: “She has a lot of weaknesses. I mean, just like anybody else. I do too. I’m too sentimental. Maybe that’s a good thing but sometimes it’s overwhelming for me. And I’m nostalgic. But I’m also philosophical so I guess they all balance each other out.”
…
Amanda: “It seems like very few people are genuine and honest and…I don’t know just good people. And I go through these phases where I’m just like Oh my god like everyone is just so awesome and I just have this good feeling about stuff but it’s always a passing thing that I can just attribute to being in a great mood because something just awesome happened. But when I’m in a typical mood, which isn’t necessarily a bad mood, I just see the truth of things…”
…
Me: “You just accept it as the fall of humanity. That’s what it is. But you live with it cause you have to. You have no choice. You’re here and you have to deal with it. How else do you deal with the fall of humanity? Well, you don’t strive for perfection you just strive for improvement. And that’s what everyone’s trying to do.”
…
Me: “We live in this world where there’s so many distractions…so many downfalls…so many mistakes…and once one mistake is made it spreads…I just think there’s so much more to live for than just ourselves. The problem though is that’s what’s advertised and promoted throughout the world. The individual.”
…
Me: “Have you become Russia? You putting down that iron fist? No. Wait. You’re America. Cause you’re a fighter for freedom. You’re a freedom fighter! You’re gonna force feed your government ideals on everybody. You want democracy for EVERYBODY!”
Back home…
Eating a bowl of Cheerios with Brown Sugar.
Sleep 4:30 a.m.
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