DREAM: Some kind of alien virus has infiltrated the masses of earth. You can see it in the people’s eyes—perfectly round black dilated pupils, similar to what a possessed person looks like. I’m stuck with a few others who haven’t given in yet. There could be other rebel groups out there but we wouldn’t know cause we’re being held by lock and key...but the new breed is courteous and kind to us, allowing us to interact and help with the chores that need to be done. Inside we’re all really scared—I can sense the fear of doom. On the phone with Calum. He’s somewhere else helping out another rebel group. But he’s concerned they’ll figure out our weaknesses and transform me as if I would be a valuable asset to lose in this battle.
Me: “Don’t worry, man. I’m not like the others. I’m more despondent. And I think it’s working...”
There must be a way to stop this virus and outsmart the alien breed. We’ve been moved outside to help set up the stage for an event. I signal to one of the guys that is with me by pointing in silence at a big moon projected on a white screen about 100 feet away. We walk over to get out of sight. Worried that the alien breed might be able to hear our conversation, I try to speak in code and with a happy expression as to deceive whoever is listening. But I still don’t have any plan...
Alarm goes off at 11:12 a.m. But I already awoke at 11:06 a.m. naturally.
Applesauce. Orange Juice. Granola Bar.
All day shift at China Wok.
Egg Sandwich with Tomato and Mayonnaise. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Pomegranate Cherry Ade.
Margot texts at exactly 4:44pm with...I love you. I decide not to respond but rather take it rhetorically, even though I could honestly say I love you back cause I do love her and because of all the emotions and time invested in each other how could I not feel this way. 444. Resurrection. This is related to the 11:11 phenomenon that I experience frequently. There’s something stirring in all of us—signs...that the end is near...a big cosmic shift in thinking, in the spirit. For me it is an alarm...a warning...a call to wake the fuck up!
The chilly days are here...
Mochi Ice Cream (Green Tea).
Delivering an order to a supervisor at Chic-fil-A. She gives me waffle fries as a tip.
Generous tips tonight compensate for the slow business.
Hot and Sour Soup. Cod Fish Bites.
Watching Middle Men [2009].
Her: “Would you want to have sex tonight perhaps…?”
Oh man, I know what she’s thinking...what she’s desiring...that pleasure and need to feel united...
Me: “want? yes. should? no.”
Her: “Ok. Will you though?”
Me: “we cant.”
Her: “Ok fine.”
But it’s not okay. She calls and calls, showing up in my parking lot but not coming inside...on the phone with her for 45 minutes as she treks back home. I absolutely hate listening to her cry...for so many reasons.
...
Me: “Don’t act like I’m the biggest mistake of your life. I am the root of the biggest lesson you’ll ever learn in your life!”
...
Me: “I just want you to be okay.”
...
Her attitude is one of insult...chalking up everything that happened between us as a huge mistake.
Me: “I just don’t want you to regret things. That really bothers me.”
...
Her: “We should’ve never even gotten into a relationship but I was immature and you were my first so my judgment was clouded.”
...
I don’t think I want to care about people anymore. I’m really tired of it. Care too less; you get rejected. Care too much; you set yourself up for rejection. It’s all too sad and too disheartening—the idolizing of others (your means to a happiness, a connection, a fire). Romance should be avoided from now on.
The 1435 Wrecking Crew is downstairs getting live. It’s Anthony’s birthday tomorrow.
...
Darren: “How’s the weather in Robert Land?
Me: “Cold and chilly.”
Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Lounging—thinking—preparing—watching.
Sleep 4 a.m.
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