Waking up just before 11:30 a.m.
Orange Juice.
It’s non-stop as soon as I arrive at China Wok...I can barely get time to sit down.
I’m flustered—emotionally—ethically—I’m stressed. Get me off these roads from hell.
Delivering an order to the medical center on Camelot. This big black guy at the desk states to me, “You look like you should be a bass player in a rock band!”
The birds. The birds. The birds. They’re taking over Hilltop.
Peanut Butter Bagel. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.
Halloween has a negative effect on my tips, making them shitty. Despite getting a few smarties and kit-kats out of people, today is just plain unprofitable.
Back home.
Trying to enjoy my Vegetable Lo Mein and a Founders Porter Beer in the living room with Darren and Anthony. I mumble something about communication and it being exhausting.
Me: “It’s frustrating. Everyone has their own understanding of the English language!”
During our critical conclusions conversation yesterday Margot and I decided on having a sort of “last date” or “last hurrah” tonight for Halloween before we commence the separation/non-contact/disconnection. I requested the French maid. We arrive at her place in Bay Colony (these roads are haunted from past travels to and from the queen’s den). She looks like an exquisite dessert you would find on the menu at an expensive restaurant. I have nothing but uncontrollable desires to bite down and partake in this sweet and succulent form of a caramel cake. But this is only my imagination for now.
...
After a minor nuisance of trying to locate her wine opener we settle down with glasses of a white wine she bought from Target (her: “where I buy everything”). She chose this one for the female drawing on the label resembles her own tan spunky image. Red Dragon [2002] is the selection of movie for tonight. But after 11 minutes...my eyes and hands become distracted. A little over two weeks since our last sexual encounter...this one is redemption for lost time + + + Sensationalized + ecstatic realizations + feeling + wishing and hoping for permanent pleasure. The candle and the TV glow + the dark light. This is so important to me. I’m taking this all in—slurping up every single cell of skin—submersing my touch in every single rhythm and pattern. We are one. We KNOW each other—she knows what makes me tick and tingle. This place...her den...the queen’s den...how I surrendered here so many times before. And just as I did then I am doing now...but just this time. Time is tricky though...
Ice Cream break, with Chocolate Magic Shell and Hot Fudge. The movie continues...and I grip her naked thighs and place my head in her bosom where I always felt I belonged...it always reminded me of my mother and when I used to lie in her arms so tenderly. Margot. My woman for so long. Our bond. Will it stand the test of time? She whispers I love you every now and then...and it strikes directly to the heart...I reply every now and then with the same.
...
In bed together in her room side by side—the fan running (for ambient effect, which I like to have in my room as well)—she’s reading a True Blood novel while I reflect and write...
I glance over and say, “This might be the most passionate thing I’ve ever written...about you.”
She kisses my arm and replies, “If you say so.”
Me: “You always say that.”
At 3:11 a.m. Anthony texts me a quote... “...the utmost he could hope for was that in a life of constant internal warfare between flesh and spirit the former might not always be victorious.” –jude the obscure by thomas hardy
Sleep 4:30 a.m.
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