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DREAM: I’m in the Hilltop area of Virginia Beach and I need to get to a mechanic shop off Shore Drive...but not to fix my car...to take some kind of test that’s really important. For some reason Margot is driving my car nearby while I scope something out on the side of Wolfsnare Rd with a gang of people involved in this test. Something happens and I’m in another car. In the backseat, an attractive petite girl sits on my lap in reverse facing the front. Outside the window I see the purple rims of my car. Margot drives by and she’s not happy. And this girl sitting on top of me doesn’t look good either. Eventually I get out. I see Margot up ahead. She tosses my phone high up in the air and it lands in the grass on the side of the road. I keep my eye on a seagull that swoops down thinking its food so I know the location. I grab it and start going through it and find all my contacts, texts, and pictures have been deleted. Margot must’ve reset my phone. She had already taken off with my car. Trying to remember her phone number—it takes me a while. 450-9526? I dial it. A voice full of disdain answers hello but it sounds like she’s in an echo-y room like a bathroom.
Me: “Margot! What are you doing? Where are you?
...
Me: “What the fuck are you doing? I don’t understand why you’re mad...and for NO REASON!”
...
Me: “You’ve been nothing but a nuisance in my life.”
I’m still running while I talk out of breath. Surprised that I’m almost there. I arrive and I answer the other line. It’s some guy reminding me the test will be starting soon. I lose the phone and step into a waiting room where the Scantron test is ready for me. I catch Darren holding my laptop and bending the screen weird. He’s playing around with me pretending to break the computer—scraping the back of it against the wall.
Me: “Darren you asshole!”
I get up in anger and approach him—slapping his face a few times...
Me: “You scraped my laptop against the wall and bent the screen! That’s my life investment! You bitch!”
Officially waking up at 1:44 p.m. My legs are sweaty. Angry anxiety dreams tend to have that effect on me.
Banana. Orange Juice.
Google work.
Shopping.
Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Mango Green Tea.
Watching Wrecked (2010).
I get called into China Wok for a few hours. The other driver totaled his car. He’s in the hospital but he seems to be without any injuries except that he’s just shaken up.
Back home...
All the boys are home.
Elliott: “Sex is always special as long as you don’t pay for it.”
Strawberry Yogurt.
B-ball with the boys on the Friend’s School courts. Intense 2-on-2 games. Shuffling. Shooting. Male competition is not something to mess with.
Back at the house.
Stephanie shows up and joins the gathering at the card table.
Eating leftover Black Soybeans and Rice with Mixed Vegetables.
Upstairs her and I get into a good talk about the usual=old news=new news=independence=happiness=the methodology of the beginnings of relationships, how there really isn’t one and they all develop in different ways=the plane created between two people, how it’s hard to change that plane or break it. If you want to re-join with a past lover you have to be willing to face the plane again=the debacle of small-town minds wanting to be with complex/experienced minds.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I really feel like I’m in a pleasant independent place. I don’t want anyone to taint it for me or ruin the flow. I want to continue to be productive and free, free from attachment. Go!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Speaking of independence...Margot stops by for a while. Smoking a clove outside with her in the Chanticleer parking lot. It’s chilly but still a fall-less winter-less night. We talk about this and that—calm things. Getting a Davy Jones bobble head is one of her life’s ambitions. She’s wearing that purple one-piece dress that I’ve always loved. Constantly checking on my heart and how I feel. The only thing I feel is the warm remnants of our past relationship, which isn’t too overwhelming but something I can handle and understand. We’re friends. Our bond will be there for a long time running, even it’s romantic side. But my sex drive hasn’t been strong as of late, like even the past month or two. I guess it’s because I haven’t been having any, which makes sense. Man, all I’d have to do is just say the word or make a move if I really wanted to. But it’s not in my cards. I want to keep my homeostasis.
Make the effort to see everyone as they really are and not as idealized images.
A bowl of Cheerios with Brown Sugar.
Another calm night with her warm body close to mine—sidekicks while we dream.
Sleep 4:30 a.m.
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