[i]
DREAM: Driving on I-64 in Chesapeake with friends. There’s a gargantuan broke down Ferris wheel I never noticed before built right next to the highway, some of the wheel protruding overhead. Suddenly the road becomes a steep uphill climb. It seems to go on forever. It almost feels like we could tip over backwards at any moment but we don’t. The car struggles. We reach the top and feel the pull downward. Later, in a room with friends and strangers at a college party. I’m sitting at the foot of a couch. A dude reclined on the couch draws something on my forehead. I look into the reflection of my phone to see what it is. “3331” What does that mean? At first I thought they represented letters making it stand for CCCA. But he doesn’t explain himself. I'm left in complete confusion.
Waking up just before 1 p.m.
The Psychic Boots band from Pittsburgh slept downstairs last night. I walk in the kitchen to find them cooking up a breakfast storm, salsa black bean eggs, plantains, hash browns, the whole lot. I make Oatmeal with Flax Seed, Blueberries, Brown Sugar, and Coconut Milk and partake in some of the Black Bean Eggs with some Orange Juice. Listening to a few tour stories.
Researching what 3331 might stand for. It’s used in the name of a contemporary art magazine in the Asia-Pacific region. And it’s a UPS store in Oklahoma City.
Stopping by the thrift store to see how Elliott’s making out on his first day on the job. He looks a little overwhelmed.
Getting some groceries.
Grilled Cheese with Tomato and Hummus. Blue Tortilla Chips with Avocado Salsa Verde. Honey Green Tea.
Working out and exercising at our neighborhood clubhouse. Using the stair master, treadmill, and lifting weights.
Strawberries and Bananas with a little Brown Sugar and Cinnamon.
I invited Margot to come with me to this cookout at Stephanie’s house. There’s a miscommunication when I go to meet her at Harpoon Larry’s. We’re supposed to drop my car off at the shop then ride together. I’m a little irritated because she’s taking forever and not responding to me. Apparently she got caught up in conversation with one of her managers. I should’ve been a little more patient. But now she’s irritated that I’m irritated and so begins her night of misery. I try to explain that I’m over it and it’s not a big deal, “Let’s just go and have a good time.” But once her mood even touches the surface of rock bottom it’s inevitable to go deeper into self-pity. It’s quite an ordeal once we arrive in front of the bay house. My Russian friends are waiting outside for direction and we’re still in the car trying to calm down. She doesn’t want to be here so I tell her I’ll just stay and call her after. But that’s not an option in her mind. She tries to blackmail me into doing only what she wants to do. After some loud honking and some encouragement from Stephanie and Alex we end up in the kitchen. I prepare the fish for the grill while she just sits on a bar stool crying. I try to tend to her but she’s living in her own made up reality where nobody here likes her. I can’t leave because I brought all the food. I grill the Salmon, Sweet Peppers, and Baby Broccoli with some sweet barbeque sauce I found in the fridge. It turns out pretty tasty and most everyone partakes. After finishing my meal I notice Margot is actually gone. I call her but no response. I’m worried.
...
James Graves gives me a ride back home. She finally calls me back. I tell her to just come over to my place asap. So here we are...swimming in a circular argument on the lack of rationality and respect.
...
Me: “We just don’t know how to transition from being irritated at each other.”
...
Me: “I think I’ve figured out the only way to make you happy. I’m just gonna do what you want all the time. No questions asked. And then we won’t have this situation.”
...
She strips down, crawls into bed, and falls asleep after assuring me that, “You’re the biggest love story of my life. I wanna be with you forever.”
I take some time to think and decompress from the negativity cloud. The live action scenes are stressful enough to keep pushing me away. This history we have is unshakable but this story is old and boring. I love her with all my heart but we’re losing dramatically.
...
She wakes up thirsty. I give her a glass of water and provide some love. It provokes us into a quick steamy sex scene. Then sleep sometime around 5 a.m.
No comments:
Post a Comment