[i]11:43 a.m. waking up.
Instant Blueberry Oatmeal. Orange Juice.
All day shift at China Wok.
Strawberries to tide me over till lunch.
It’s quite busy for the daytime – non-stop driving with
barely enough time to stop for lunch.
Grilled Cheese with Tomato and Hummus. Potato Chip Trio.
Honey Green Tea.
No pressing psychoanalytical thoughts today. Just work and
flow.
Fried Shrimp with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in
Garlic Sauce.
Off work.
Continuing the conversation I was having with my mom last
night but now we have more time to engage deeply.
Me: “There’s just a lot of noise around me.”
Her: “Shutting out the noise and really hearing from
God...it takes feeding those spiritual needs...”
With the presidential election only a day away our topics
veer to the current political heat and the various issues we believe are the
most important. We can both agree at least that, “When I look at Romney I see
something...artificial.” We talk about being stuck in the everyday hustle and
bustle...survival mode...so much that sometimes we lose track of time and
space.
Downstairs baking some more pumpkin muffins but this time
with whole-wheat flour: Whole Wheat Honey Raisin Pumpkin Muffins topped with
Powdered Sugar. I enjoy four of them with Milk while I watch a documentary
called Surviving Progress (2011) dealing with some of the issues I
talked about with my mom.
[ii]
While taking a sexual load off I find myself seeing clearly
behind the biology of humanity, the primal drive and move to exist (or the flow
of life), and looking beyond the unobservable. There’s a bigger scope to grasp
here. It’s easy to get locked into a system of affairs (the eating, the
breathing, the working, the entertainment, the sexing, the consumerism) and
lose track of what’s actually happening. It’s easy to stay blind. It takes a
deep inner pause to be revealed the mechanics and structure of it all. And I’m
not just talking about politics and conspiracies. I’m talking about imminent
reality. Time. Amidst certain encounters of pleasure I’m able to see, even
during the experience, the force that drives me to seek these sensations. Push
back all the morale and the spiritual and then it’s all just ones and zeroes,
cause and effect. After that layer you click back on the spiritual plane of all
that is. Then everything becomes vibrant and purposeful. Even with all the
logic meanderings dwelling in the back of my mind, the orgasmic moment comes. I
choose to live in this world, the world of emotion and sensation, the
world of spirit and faith.
Sleep 4 a.m.
[i] Ecstasy.
1894. Władysław Podkowiński.
[ii] Image by
me.
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