[i]Waking up at 11 a.m.
Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.
All day shift at China Wok.
Driving around an aftermath of a winter wonderland. Icicles melting underneath parked cars and gutters. Cold white blankets covering everything. The streets, slushy and bumpy.
Hard Boiled Egg. Five Guys French Fries with Ketchup. Honey Green Tea.
I don’t want to say that my little meeting with Margot last night screwed me up but it’s definitely got my mind swimming in a strange soupy mess of ugly feelings. That’s the best way to describe these feelings: ugly...and bittersweet. I’ll at least say it was nice to see her but it was not good to see her. I’m not hopped up on her in anyway. I’m fine without her. I’m fine on my own, doing my own thing, living my own life. I’m not involved in her life anymore. Obviously I’ve moved on from this relationship months ago and I’ve even had my share in other relationships since we broke up. I guess I just really didn’t want to hear about the sex tabloids. Some of the things she said last night reminded me of how disconnected we are. Of course we saw eye to eye emotionally, romantically, and sexually. But we’ve never been on the same page philosophically or mentally. She’s destined to be a part of a different breed than I. But none of this matters or relates to me right now. It was just a brief flashback to what was. Most things fade away eventually, some faster than others.
Apple.
5 is the magic number today. Almost every customer I’ve delivered to today has given me $5. Oh yeah, I’m rollin’ in it. It feels good to reap the benefits of my job.
The fantasy world I entertain in my head is more menacing than the actual reality of things.
Off work and back home. Darren and James try to persuade me to join them at Mermaids. I decline.
Me: “Why would I want to spend money to watch a girl shake her ass?”
Tofu with Broccoli, Snow Peas, Onions, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.
Fortune cookie says, “The saints are the sinners who keep on trying.”
Watching The Vanishing (1993).
Organizing music files – building playlists.
Darren and James arrive home after a few hours at Mermaid’s. Both of them, but mainly Darren, are wobbling around in my bedroom. An all out revenge ensues via Darren when he realizes that Kevin is asleep in his bedroom. For all the times that Kevin brings all his friends over and acts obnoxious, Darren on a whim runs out into the hallway yelling and hooting at the top of his lungs and banging on Kevin’s door.
Eventually Darren, after talking his head off about moving to Thailand and marrying Devon, resigns to his room. James and I continue a chat about things...
James: “I don’t even post stuff on Facebook anymore; I just ‘like’ stuff.”
Me: “We’ve been trained to communicate to the masses as opposed to a person.”
...
Me: “It’s an illusion of importance, of connection.”
James: “Over indulgence in self-importance.”
Hot Chocolate.
Sleep 4 a.m.
[i] Unicorns. Image source unknown.
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