[i]Waking up from a figurative 2012 headache. Good afternoon, 2013.
Cinnamon Oatmeal with Brown Sugar, Raisins, and Milk. Coffee
with Brown Sugar and Milk.
Skype with Aysena. She’s in Ukraine seeing some friends for
New Years. The conversation starts out innocently enough and happy enough but
somehow turns sour and stale after too much silence. For some reason she
understands silence to be something negative and insulting. The fact is that
sometimes you hit a certain point in conversation and there’s nothing else to
talk about. I just have a different understanding of communication I suppose. I
don’t know.
I get called into China Wok at 5 p.m. Working three hours –
making decent side money. Feeling a sense of revitalization on this shift,
everything efficient, everything working in my favor.
Black Beans with Onions, Bok Choy, Mushrooms, Carrots, and
Rice.
Watching Cloud Atlas (2012).
Tweaking things – arts and crafts. While rummaging through
some stacks of papers on the desk I come across an old makeshift script Phil
wrote up based on Margot and I’s antics back in the 1623 days. It wasn’t an
actual transcription or anything but rather a funny satire. On the back of the
first page I find a few sentences unrelated to the script, probably something he
was brainstorming with. It reads, “The shore is a dreadful place. I like to
stay at sea. I like to stay in motion. Keep me on the surface.” This
might’ve been a caption for one of his marker drawings that he used to make.
Either way it stirs up my thoughts and I begin to reflect on where I am in
life. I feel like I’m stuck on a shore of some island. Sometimes I long to be
out there (at sea, in motion). I even trick myself into thinking I’m already
“in motion” when really I’m just moving around in a constricted space. At my
age I’m coming to a crossroads where I must determine to be on shore or at sea.
What will I choose? Or will I go back and forth?
With a sudden burst of inspiration I take to the piano and
trill out a fresh melody.
Chocolate Chip Cookies with Milk.
Finishing Cloud Atlas (2012).
Sleep 4:30 a.m.
[i] Cloud
Atlas (2012).
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