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☼ ○ ▬
I’ve started an acting career and got set up with a woman agent who matches my age. We’re having a meeting at a desk, which is oddly situated outside off a neighborhood road. She presents to me an offer for a voice-over acting role in an upcoming cartoon show. It’s not exactly what I had in mind but she’s convinced this will be a good kick-start for my career. In moments I give a few examples of my cartoon voice skills. During this whole meeting there’s been a sense of professionalism between her and I. But later in an office...I thank her for the opportunities and I’m about to say goodbye. We hug. And the hug lasts longer than it should in a business relationship. But there’s chemistry and a mutual attraction brewing. The scene turns into a modest porno. I grope her lower back and then her ass. I’m breathing hard. Her anxious body movements take over. The blinds in the windows are pulled up letting the sun shine in just right. I didn’t see this coming at all.
▬ ○ ☼
Waking up naturally at 10:40 a.m. but also from the heat in my room. Someone cranked the temperature on the thermostat up two degrees (72), which causes the air to stop flowing. I set it to 70 yesterday. I’ve found that’s the perfect setting to keep the house in a comfortable zone. It’s amazing what two degrees can do.
Peanut Butter English Muffin. Baked Cinnamon Brown Sugar Grapefruit. Oolong Tea.
Spring cleaning! After fixing the vacuum cleaner I vacuum the stairwell, the upstairs hallway, and my bedroom. Darren I guess gets inspired, which is quite a rarity, and cleans up the pigsty of a patio we have in the backyard. I place one of the wooden lounge chairs on the rooftop of my car. Darren hops on top and yells out for all to hear, “Vote for Hugo Chavez! Hugo Chavez!”
†
Egg Sandwich with Tomato and Mayonnaise. Pita Chips with Hummus. Black Tea.
Arts and crafts time in the dining room with James, Leslie, and Darren. I paint a Ford mini hubcap that Darren keeps calling a distributor cap.
*
The sun is out in full energy and the pollen in the air is thick. James and I grab our bikes and meet at the King Neptune statue on 30th Street to link up with Elliott, Michelle, Kenney, Kevin, and Don. Now as a bike gang we cruise along the boardwalk, then along the back road of Oceanfront Avenue, and eventually to First Landing State Park at the 64th Street entrance. James and I ride the hilly bike trail along the inlet and through the Spanish moss forest passing groups of bored teenagers smoking on the benches and skinny-dipping into the water.
...
Pizza at Beach Bella.
...
Flipper McCoy’s arcade fun. Battling out with Elliott at air hockey in a theatric competitive fashion. Hurting my finger from the flying puck. A few rounds of pinball. I watch James have his try at it while a potbellied dude with no shirt on plays next to him.
*
*
*
Loitering on the strip and eating Ice Cream. We run into Minnie. She just got off work from the old times photos place.
...
James and I meet up with Darren and Art at Chicho’s for the beer pong tournament. It’s free to play and the cash prize is $150. We hang out for quite a while. The first match we lose pretty badly to two girls. The second match we lose but with only one cup left.
My little text conversation with Margot yesterday instigated another little text conversation tonight. This time its not so insulting. She’s down the block at Harpoon Larry’s, the bar she works at and also frequents on a regular basis. She wants me to stop by and say hi. I figure what’s the harm in that. So I bike over there. Inside, she smiles and gives me a big hug. A few of her friends are around. We sit down on the bar stools and chat about what’s going on in our lives. She’s kind of seeing this guy who she refers to as “a giant”. But when she tries to pry into my love life it becomes a harsh interrogation. She takes on the role of jealous ex-girlfriend and threatens to bash whatever girl I was/am seeing face in. It’s disrespectful but I know it’s only her language, her way of saying to me I’m not comfortable hearing or knowing you’re with other people, which doesn’t make sense because we have absolutely no obligations to one another and she’s been seeing other people up and down since we broke up. I start to question why I’m here. We take our conversation outside in the parking lot. In her car. She’s crying at some point. But through all the ridiculous things that come out of her mouth she manages to counteract them in return by saying things like, “I’m such a hypocrite [to be judging me].” and “I don’t know why I’m such a jealous bitch.” I guess she expects to be friends again and have normal meet ups. She was hoping over time that would be possible. I myself sometimes hope the same. But here we are in her Ford Fiesta being reminded of old bitter feelings of jealousy and animosity. I think it’s funny I had that dream two nights ago where a very similar conversation happened just like this with her.
Me: “You’re just tense. And now I’m tense. Just relax.”
Her: “You’re just so different than all the other guys I’ve been seeing.”
Me: “Of course. You’re trying different types. You used to be attracted to my type.”
After moments of resolve she insists I come home with her because she’s sad. I hold on to my wits and say no a thousand times because, “No, Margot. That doesn’t feel right to me.”
“What! Why?” She assures, “We’re not gonna do anything.”
Me: “Yeah I understand that. But it’s not good.”
She gets a little upset about it but eventually I depart the car calmly with a kiss on the cheek and a warm embrace.
Biking towards home, the wind blowing against my direction. It was a night of severe recollection.
Sleep 4 a.m.
* Images by me.
† Image by James.
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