[i]
Awakening at 1:30 p.m.
Darren traded shifts with me so I’m not working today.
Strawberry Toaster Pastries. Orange Juice.
Our internet went out...
“We are experiencing a high volume of calls. There is a technical outage in your area. Technicians have been dispatched to fix the problem. Please stay on the line if you need further assistance...”
Grilled Cheese with Tomato and Hummus. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.
At the storage unit preparing to practice some songs. But Josh and Josiah show up with plans to jam. I let them be and figure I’ll come back later.
For the time being I’ll go exercise. Literally, the second I pull up to the Lynnhaven Middle School courts, an entourage of teenagers with watermelons and footballs pile out of a caravan of cars. They line up out in the muddy field with intent on playing some kind of game that involves two trashcans, a few footballs, and sliding across the grass. If I didn’t know any better I’d predict they’re a part of a youth group from a church. It’s just obvious in the way they interact as a group. I disregard all the wildness and take to the track field to run as long as I can.
...
The emptiness of this football field that I encircle always haunts me in a nostalgic way. The old bleachers, the hurdle lanes, and the scoreboard keep my mind at bay. I’m having conflicting feelings. I’m thinking about the possibilities and failings of romance. I’m thinking about all the heartstrings that have courageously and sometimes involuntarily stayed connected to Aysena, my Yakutian-Russian love story. Over the past two weeks it has failed. In all its logical forms I’ve lost hope in it, partly her fault because of the extreme nature of how she deals with our miscommunication (e.g. blocking me on Facebook/VK for a week or acting like a child sometimes). As much as I understand her feelings of defeat, cause I have these feelings too in life on occasion, it’s not necessary to treat a relationship like a rollercoaster. And it’s not entirely her fault or anyone’s fault for that matter. It’s a question of not being the right match and how difficult it would be to create a life together living in the same country (visas in America are majorly complicated and expensive). And throughout all this convoluted mess I’ve birthed a romantic connection with Ana, a girl who lives here in my country and my town. Everything is set up, or in the process of being set up, for something genuine and real. But where is my heart? I can’t even answer that question. I’m excitedly open to what’s happening between Ana and I. That’s all I know with certainty. I will wait to see how it grows.
...
About 45 minutes have passed. All the dirty kids run over to the big puddle where the blocking sled sits and wash themselves off in the rain water looking like a third world image straight out of National Geographic. Secretly I’m annoyed by their presence but I can’t help but smile in amusement at this ridiculous scene. One of them even has a body wash bottle.
Apple.
Back home.
Crab Cakes with Spicy Ketchup, Mixed Greens, Carrots, and Garlic Bread.
Watching Into the Wild (2007).
I head to the storage unit and find Josh and Josiah lounging on the futon couch listening to some recordings they just did. I had planned on practicing but instead get caught up in conversation with them sharing old band stories and tour revelations. While they smoke cigarette after cigarette and drink PBR after PBR the reminiscing doesn’t stop. The shovels keep digging up wild memories from past shows. Josh really knows how to bring out the amusing moments more vividly with his descriptions and hand gestures. --- Aaron Lachman’s monstrous snoring capabilities --- The time Josiah went longboarding by himself in the hilly streets of Lynchburg after a show and slammed his head into the concrete causing a concussion to where he was hospitalized and had to get a metal plate put in his head. He says, “If I could change any one thing in my life it would have been not taking the longboard out that night.” --- Josh recants a story about a girl in Blacksburg dubbed “Thunder Thighs” that tried to suck his toes in a dark hotel room.
Mango.
Sleep 5 a.m.
[i] Image by me.
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