[i]
Waking up at 11 a.m.
Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. Grapefruit.
All day shift at China Wok.
Ana visits the restaurant with Papa, her mom's sweet little poodle. She looks really happy, Ana that is, but also Papa. I show up at the house briefly to grab a quick lunch. Her and Josh have a dog date.
Egg Drop Soup. Peanut Butter Sandwich. Honey Green Tea.
A pretty steady day for deliveries. I notice more and more people today end the transactions at the door with statements like, "Stay safe," or "Be careful out there." I hope it isn't some kind of warning.
Kevin's here to help out with the dinner shift. He's such a funny character to me. He waltzes in here with a determined look on his face like a man on a mission, ready to work hard even if there is no work to work hard for. At one point he tries to give me advice about a particular gated community we deliver to often.
Kevin: "You know how to park at Harbour Point, right?"
Me: "Kevin, I've been working here for three years. Don't insult my intelligence."
I observe Cecily cashing out Kevin. He says these things that just make me laugh and he's not even really meaning to be funny.
Me: "You should really be an actor, Kevin. You'd do really well in comedy films."
Baked Lentil Chips. Apple.
The night continues steadily without any awareness on my part. Auto-pilot to the max.
At about 10:30 p.m. I cash out and deliver my last order to Rosemont Road. Then trekking straight out to Norfolk. On the way I slurp up a container of Vegetable Lo Mein.
...
At The Belmont for the rock-n-roll show. I catch the last song of The Wet Boys (Tom Waits inspired). Ana and Will are chilling up near the front. I give Ana a greeting hug but she doesn't take a liking to my "limp hug" as it's called. I didn't realize it was so unenthusiastic. I'm happy to see her smiling face. I buy us some drafts of Woodchuck Cider to relax our nerves. The Hissy Fits blow up the stage with their semi-sludge rock slop pop. The lead female singer carries a larger-than-life presence with her big frizzy black hair and mischievous sexy smile. The crowd is intrigued. The Hm Hmm's are last. That's Josiah, Calum, and I. We perform what are basically Bamm Bamm songs but revived with Calum on the drums. With minimal practice time Calum pulls it off and the crowd is pleased.
...
Post-show I witness the entertaining drunken personas of Hissy Fits members. Later, as we're all departing for the night, I realize something is wrong with Ana.
Me: "I'm gonna settle all this with one question, okay?"
Ana: "Okay."
Me: "Do you trust me?"
Without hesitation she replies, "Yes."
Me: "And I trust you too. So there shouldn't be any confusion."
I think it would be easier if I just relay some messages she will eventually send me after I arrive home...
"I think that my moodiness that has been happening frequently stems from just being upset/holding my thoughts in. Thank you for pushing some of my thoughts out tonight. I just feel like sometimes I need reassurance. I know that sometimes I want affirmation even though I don't really need it. Nobody really needs it, but sometimes it is good. I've just been really stressed lately Robert. I'm sorry.
I know that all I have been is sweet to you, but know that I do have a little aggressive side builds up whenever I don't vocalize my thoughts.
I think that I've been guilty of over thinking. I've been guilty of being overly concerned about whether or not you would think badly of me.
I know it's been so unfair to you.... me not letting you in.
Well, the seal is broken. You're going to slowly seep in now. Not so sure if you can handle that.
I've just been afraid to be vulnerable Robert.
But I know that it is time for me to just open myself up.. because it feels unnatural not to.
I want to keep this relationship. It is great. You are great. I know that my fears have been a bump... well.. a few bumps... but I know that I'm lucky to have you so patient."
It feels good to be home and in my bed at 4 a.m.
[i] Images by me.
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