Wednesday December 18 2013

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Waking up at 12:41 p.m.

Grapefruit. Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

Watching Robot & Frank (2012).

At the Rec Center for an afternoon workout and basketball.

Egg Salad Sandwich with Tomato. Popped Potato Chips. Maple Leaf Cookies. Honey Green Tea.

Acoustic Showcase at The Jewish Mother featuring Mike Gombas, JoAnna Lynne, Alice Conner, and myself as Musicplayer. Good vibes, good tunes, and good friends. Sipping on a Coffee. Ana performs a few songs towards the end of my set. She's uncomfortable on a big stage such as this but we pull off all the songs with flying colors and topped it off with a cover of "Silent Night".

†

*

Back at the house. Ken, Will, Leah, James, and Ana gather round the dining room table. I cook up a big pot of Spaghetti with Sourdough Garlic Bread and Steamed Carrots for everyone to enjoy.

...

Darren appears with fresh bud from California called Blue Dream. I watch him take a hit from the gravity bong that he constructed using a ceramic monk cookie jar and a plastic soda bottle. For some reason I announce that I'd like to take one. He's surprised by my enthusiasm. Ana's shaking her head. Darren sets up everything and gives me instructions, as I've never tried a water bong before. I've only ever tried the one-hitters and they never had much of an effect on me. He lights it up. I inhale a big riff into my mouth, then into my lungs and out. The smoke is too heavy for me to handle and I start coughing in the hallway. I feel a burning sensation in my throat and lungs. I calm down and reconvene in my room alone taking precautions for the weed wave to come. Ten minutes later I've been transported into another dimension. Body feels like it's vibrating with white fuzz every time I move. I'm keenly aware of everything I say and aware of how silly I sound. Ana enters my room with Will following behind. Will, dressed in a leather jacket and armed with a wine opener marches towards me in a sarcastic hostile fashion and says something vaguely reminiscent of Ryan Gosling. At first I thought it was part of their plan to confuse me because they knew I was high. Then I realize how much Will looks like Ryan Gosling with his blonde hair and leather jacket. I apologize in advance to Ana for acting strange. I encourage her to take a hit so she can be on my level. She does so. I refuse to go downstairs. I keep repeating to Kevin, "I won't be able to handle it. I just...can't! It would be a weird experience. I won't do it."

Kevin: "But it's fine down there."

It felt off limits to me. I don't know why. It's heating up in my bloodstream. Will records a video of Kevin and I making fools of ourselves attempting to slide down the staircase with a couch cushion.

...

At some point Ana joins me in the bedroom. She's reached her own high but I keep asking her if she really is or not. It's a big concern for me in this state of mind that I be surrounded by people on my level. And she appears to be.

Ana: "I can barely do anything!"

Me: "Everything I do right now is gonna be really weird to you."

Ana: "No I just think that you're gonna be really truthful and I'll find out...if we really get along."

Me: "I think we'll get along fine."

Ana: "No."

Me: "Are you getting along with me?"

Ana: "I don’t know. Am I?"

Me: "Of course. I can't possibly get upset right now."

Ana: "Oh really?"

Me: "I don’t feel like I can get really mad. I don't have the ability to get mad."

My body is extra sensitive so anytime she touches me I giggle. 

I hop on the computer and type out some nonsense...

"Let's see if I can write something."

After realizing I can I say, "Oh wow, I'm spelling things correctly!"

Wfoooooo. eageret to be philanthrpoic ieojfljpjdiejfkdpaap0e9nlinieojojofjsljfghostly manure thigh chicken thighs arrest mercilessly into the moon it shines it glows into space into blackhole space stephen hawking doesn't know a thing about everything…………..

...

Me: "Oh God! I can't do this again. Maybe in another fifteen years but not anytime soon. Ask Darren how long this is supposed to last."

Kevin walks in and sees me lying on the bed in a fetal position, "You should put on some music so you don't go fucking crazy."

Me: "Oh well does music help?"

Kevin: "Fuck yeah! Especially when you're having sex. Music is great. I'm not assuming you're gonna have sex but you guys should. Anyway. No. Music and sex and drugs go hand in hand. Music and drugs go hand in hand. Put on a fucking Shins album. Put on some Creedence Clearwater Revival. Seriously put on some music!"

Me: "Well why don't you play me some music, Kevin. Play the violin for me."

Kevin: "Being high makes it better. It makes music better. It makes food taste better. It makes driving for China Wok better! It makes sex better. It makes paying your fucking bills...worse actually."

I turn to Darren, "Why are my eyes on fire? Why are my eyes on fire?"

Darren: "Put in some eye drops."   

The laughing and snickering are uncontrollable. It feels like my cheeks are raised permanently.

Me: "I know the things that I'm saying right now are really stupid!"

I take Kevin's advice and we put on a huge playlist of piano sonatas by Arthur Rubinstein. I snag an Apple out of the fruit basket. The taste of its crisp flesh is enhanced. Forgetting Ana is allergic to raw apples (as I usually do) I offer her a bite. She reminds me of her allergies.

...

I recall her saying how afraid she is of gazing into my eyes, in this state but also in a normal state of mind.

I don't know how but we fall asleep at who knows what time.

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* Images by Trevor D.

† Image by James.