[i]
Waking up around 1:30 p.m.
Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.
Errands.
Darren pops in to have a drink and makes some lunch. I sit down with him for my own lunch: Egg. Tortilla Chips with Homemade Salsa.
He tries to argue/examine with me the story in the bible where Jesus fed 5,000 people with only two fish and five loaves of bread.
Darren: "Okay so all of sudden I'm just supposed to believe that all these nigga's got fed on two fish and—"
Me: "Yeah it was a miracle. It was one of the miracles that he did."
Darren: "How is that a miracle?! No one along the way was like How did this bread get cut and it's just refilled? Like, were there people at the gathering that didn't get food? Did Jesus know how many people were at the gathering and did he just like keep a tally in his head?
Me: "I think he did, dude. He's Jesus."
Darren: "No. I think that these miracles could have been at least better. I can deal with being religious but you gotta learn to take modern knowledge and adapt your religion to it."
Me: "Yeah but the whole thing with Jesus is that he was above all that. That was the whole idea of Jesus. He performed miracles that were outside the laws of physics. I don't wanna talk about religion anymore."
Darren: "You just wanna eat an egg."
Me: "Yeah I just wanna eat this egg and enjoy this salsa."
At the Rec Center for adult basketball. It's not as many people tonight because the weather is warm and most of them are probably outside playing somewhere. I get my cardio in with no breaks between games. It's a good workout.
Orange.
Ana stops by after hanging out with some girlfriends at the gym – mainly enjoying the hot tub and such. We talk for a little over an hour in my room by the bedroom door. She never seems to make it past the door – I don't know why. There's some minor but important problems between her and I. The biggest one is that she is a tough clam to open up – to be able to spill her true desires and thoughts to me is hard sometimes. And the other seems to be sex. We don't have "enough" of it – maybe once a week is normal but then again we usually only see each other twice or three times a week. It's not that I don't want to have sex it's just that she doesn't make the moves, and unless I make the moves it's not happening. In comparison to the last love in my life (Margot)...Margot was never once afraid to let me know how she feels and if she wanted to have sex we had sex. That kind of personality trait had its downsides though. Ana isn't like this at all. But I know she has plenty of sexual energy brewing inside her because she tells me after the fact, like after she leaves for the night or the next morning. I know it's a two-way street. But I want to be seduced sometimes too. After she leaves for the night I get texts communicating her frustrations in this matter. It's good that we have a dialogue about it. And I know in time she'll become more assertive. There's no reason for her to be without confidence because we're both attracted to each other and we want to be in this relationship for keeps.
Coffee with Coconut Creamer.
Haddock Filet with Bok Choy, Carrots, and Quinoa.
Watching Eden (2012).
Chocolate.
Sleep 4 a.m.
[i] The Miracle of the Loaves and Fishes. Painting by Lambert Lombard.
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