This is an open and unfiltered diary-style journal
on the life of James Robert Smith.
This blog will contain sometimes graphic experiences (both beautiful and ugly),
sometimes stark insight, and all honest and factual documentation of dreams, diet, activity, and thoughts.
Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
All day shift at China Wok.
Papaya.
The sun's still shining but it's fairly cooler than usual.
Five Guy's French Fries with Ketchup. Honey Green Tea.
Chinese food business picks up steadily after 6 o'clock. Ana drops by after just working a shift at the bakery. She gifts me with an Almond Cookie, which I happily eat. She accompanies me on my deliveries.
A funny looking tree catches our eye on the way out of the Silver Hills neighborhood. I can't help but imagine that when these two trees grew into each other they were also growing over a couple mythical trolls.
My deliveries continue. Ana's about to leave. As I carry an order out to the car I warn her, "Alright, you only get one kiss so make it good." She gives me one good one but doesn't hesitate to peck me a second time. "Hey! You stole that! You broke the rules!" She giggles and so both our days were a little brighter than they would be without each other.
Navel Orange.
I should be angry about today cause I've worked a little extra, drove a little extra, but made a little less (6 stiffs in all). But I try my best to keep in mind this proverb that I pasted on the dashboard of my car: "Do not be easily provoked, for anger resides in the lap of fools."
Corn Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
Teaching piano lessons to Mike Farley.
Grapefruit.
Groceries.
Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Banana. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Peach Oolong Tea.
At the Rec Center working out and playing basketball. Larry Bird is my nickname tonight.
Fresh Papaya.
Ana stops by for a few minutes. She brought me a container of the fresh ground peanut butter from Whole Foods, which was very thoughtful because I had mentioned the other day about trying some out. But I already bought my own small container earlier today. She came over primarily for a quick "sexy time", as she put it through text message. I try to explain that I'm not feeling sexually confident tonight. But also, she tends to leave the conducting up to me and sometimes I don't want to be the conductor. Despite, we kind of talk through the insecurities in a humorous light and come to an understanding.
I've got my own wall up so no girls can get in but I've built a little door only you can fit through, like a pet door.
Haddock Filets, May Peas, Red Peppers, Carrots, Onions, Rice, and an Onion Roll.
Corn Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
Scratching things off my to-do list.
Ana just finished a shift at the bakery and joins me for lunch. Sharing Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches; Bananas; and Honey Green Tea.
Quick stop at Whole Foods to get some cold drinks to take with us to the gym.
At the Rec Center together. I have my fun with organized basketball games while she works out in the fitness room. My game play isn't the greatest tonight – missing almost every 3-pointer I take. I mange to take on the garbage man role, like cleaning up on defense and setting a few good screens.
After drinking one of those sparkling mineral waters filled with Vitamin B's and ginseng my body is jolted. It doesn't matter what kind of caffeine it is my body doesn't ever handle it well. I feel jittery.
Back at the house we wash and enjoy a quart of local Strawberries we got from the Farmer's Market outside of Whole Foods.
Josh and Darren are sparking up their friendship and getting into the habit of drinking every night again. But it's not the emotional kind of drunk; they're just jolly and carefree.
Dinner and movie with Ana in the bedroom: Red Beans, Jasmine Rice, Broccoli, May Peas, and Carrots; From Dusk Till Dawn (1996).
Taking a break from the film and rehearsing some songs on the guitar together. After a while I notice a lack of enthusiasm on her part – I can see it in her face and hear it in her voice. I get kind of upset and put down the guitar. I don't like a lack of passion when playing music. I know she has a lot of passion for music. And I know she appreciates the fact that we sing together. But she doesn't have as much endurance as I do when practicing. But I also know you can't force passion; it has to occur naturally. I go on a little rant about how I feel and offer her time to explain her feelings too. Maybe we just shouldn't practice so long next time. Reclining on the floor we calm the nerves and cuddle.
Returning to the film. Adding some Crispin Ciders and Cookies as refreshments.
She drifts off to sleep and I join her in the bed some time later. That caffeine water I drank is still keeping my body alert and awake. I've been lying in the bed and shuffling in various positions for two hours. I don't know how but I eventually get to sleep.
Waking up in Ana's bed to the sound of all the dogs barking in the hallway. Off and on I fall back to sleep and wake up. Eventually, I hop out of bed at 12:36 p.m.
Ana's working at Auto Value. I pick up some brunch for us at Handsome Biscuit and bring it over to the shop. We enjoy our meal in the break room. I'm having the Hot Betty, which includes a Sweet Potato Biscuit with an Over Easy Egg, Greens, and Lupo Hot Sauce; Hash Browns; and a fruity House Soda. Ana has a PB&J Biscuit.
It's the hottest day – the sun transforms the inside of my car into an oven, but thankfully my A/C works.
Back home. Catching up on a few things.
Peanut Butter, Jelly, and Banana Sandwich. Plantain Chips. Honey Green Tea.
At the Rec Center working out and playing a few pick-up games on the basketball courts.
Grapefruit.
Chores.
Salmon, Broccoli, Carrots, and Brown Rice.
The household is changing its game and color. Slowly all the 24 year-olds are growing up. They want actual house keys. They want to start locking the door so that not just anyone can walk in. Since the dawn of time we've left the door unlocked because it was easier than worrying about keys.
Corn Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk. Scrambled Egg. Navel Orange.
Quick groceries at Trader Joe's.
At the Great Neck Rec Center. While lifting weights and doing general core exercises I notice an increase in my sexual energy – it's hard to control. It's possible the dreams I had the night before, which were littered with sexual scenarios, have something to do with it.
When waiting at the light to turn onto Great Neck Road I see the doomsday man on the corner with all his religious signs and a bible in his hand.
"LET THE WICKED FORSAKE HIS WAY AND THE UNRIGHTEOUS MAN HIS THOUGHTS."
"LET HIM RETURN UNTO THE LORD AND HE WILL HAVE MERCY UPON HIM."
"BEFORE THAT GREAT AND NOTABLE DAY OF THE LORD COME."
He just waves at every car that passes by. Usually you can find him at the busy intersection of First Colonial and Laskin. But today he's here.
*
Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Plantain Chips. Honey Green Tea. Banana.
Watching Léon: The Professional (1994).
Scooping up Ken and Sasha Rigney from Bean There in downtown Norfolk then heading over to Fawn Street Studios where Josiah's music video shoot is going down – it's for Ladada's song "Give It Back". He asked me to play bass (or at least pretend to be playing bass; none of our instruments are plugged in and the drummer doesn't really know the song that well). The idea is for everyone to dress up in 70's/disco/retro attire or anything outrageous looking. Danny Rogers is shooting. It's one of those music videos where we just get a bunch of people acting silly and dancing in front of a camera, and just see what happens. There's a giant disco ball above all the excitement – laser lights flashing all around. We take a few breaks up on the roof where you can sort of see the Norfolk skyline.
*
*
*
Afterwards, we all gather at Tortilla West. It's Tuesday so the tacos are only 85 cents each. I clobber down four Black Bean Tacos and wash it down with a Famosa Lager. Josiah's still wearing his disco gear including those obnoxious round sunglasses. He encourages me to put them on.
†
I drive Sasha to her Grandma's house in Ocean View so she can pay her rent debt to me. She talks a lot about the coming-of-age changes she experienced after moving out of 1435 – learning to surround yourself with wholesome people (You are the company you keep). She's such a respectful and sweet person.
...
After that I drive over to Ana's house – she's been waiting on me. She's excited about being in her newly designed room. She opened up the space and rearranged some furniture. I can tell it makes her happy. It's important to have an abode that relieves you of outside stress, a haven from the world. This room serves that purpose for her now.
*
I find a few tiny pages that fell out of her mini composition notebook and start reading out loud – it's from a journal she wrote in about a year ago or less. As soon as she realizes what I'm reading she freaks out, but in a playful way. The words are adorable and reveal some of her personal thoughts in the beginning of this relationship. I really admire that she has a habit of reflecting on the every day happenings in her life. At some point we cuddle under the blankets of her big soft bed and drift off to sleep.
With a group of friends at a ski resort. This place has more than just snowy hills for skiing on but also roller coaster rides, strange water slides, and really fast bumper cars.
▬ ○ ☼
Waking up at 10:45 a.m.
Corn Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
All day shift at China Wok.
Grapefruit.
It's gonna be a slow Memorial Day for Chinese food.
Peanut Butter and Raspberry Jam Sandwich. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.
On the down time constructing some business cards.
Homemade Granola Bar.
Noticing that I didn't once turn on talk radio nor listen to podcasts all day. Instead, it's all music.
Off work and back home.
Tofu with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.
Editing and revamping the Musicplayer website.
Sleep at 3:30 a.m.
[i] Map of Scientific Collaboration Between Researchers.
Wheat Flakes, Corn Flakes, and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
All day shift at China Wok.
Peanut Butter and Raspberry Jam Sandwich. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Black Forest Berry Honest Tea. Banana.
It's Memorial Day Weekend and all that means for me is an over congested oceanfront. The delivery times for hotel orders can be substantially higher if they're located anywhere around 21st Street. Tourists, families, and teenagers abound. If I want to make my destination in a timely manner I have to force myself in and out of traffic, especially on Atlantic Avenue. When a two second window opens up for my car to maneuver over a crosswalk I take it. I overhear two pompous black girls say something as they walk past me.
"I can't stand these motherfuckers right here," she tells her girlfriend referring to me of course.
All I wanna do is just repeat what she said back at her. But I refrain cause ain't nobody got time for that.
Watching the bike cops issue citations to cars right and left off Atlantic Avenue. I realize today that I'm actually more afraid of cops than I am of actual criminals or lawbreakers. I feel like most people are. Something seems wrong with that.
Homemade Granola Bar and a few unwanted Crab Rangoon.
While delivering an order to the Courtyard Marriott I hop on the elevator alongside this boy who seems to be on a mission. He doesn't hesitate to tell me what he's up to.
Boy: "I'm making money by getting ice for people!"
Me: "Oh! That's a good job."
I notice one of his shoes is untied.
Me: "You better tie that shoe though. You'll fall."
On the down time I help fold the crab rangoon in the back. The girls are also helping. Ling and Janice keep kicking each other back and forth in a playful manner.
Chicken Fried Rice with Broccoli.
Watching Ravenous (1999).
Ana stops by just for a little while to gift me with leftover cantaloupe from her catering job. We share cute and funny moments.
Corn Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
All day shift at China Wok.
Grapefruit. Banana.
Keeping myself busy with the usual tasks: prepping the bags, snapping the peas, and bagging the noodles.
Spinach Salad with Tomatoes and Eggs. Edamame Crackers. Honey Green Tea.
Just getting through the day.
Homemade Granola Bars.
Off work and back home.
Tofu with Broccoli, Carrots, Onions, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.
Finishing The Skeleton Key (2005).
Jessica is officially moved out and Darren and Devon have officially moved in.
Ana calls me up on the phone. She says she has a lot of energy and wants to chat but I don't have a lot to talk about cause my day was pretty routine and I don't typically enjoy conversations on the phone unless they're necessary. It's close to 2 a.m. and I'm just tired. I hate to let her down so we talk for about ten minutes or so.
Later on as I'm about to brush my teeth I notice somebody in the bathroom with the water running. I assume it's Kevin but after knocking on the door I hear no answer. I find a way to open the door and discover Anthony slouched on the toilet sitting in the same position as that famous statue of the thinking man. And yet he's sleeping. I turn off the running faucet and startle him awake, "Anthony? Hey, were you sleeping?"
"No," he replies stoically.
Me: "Oh. Okay. I thought you were Kevin. Are you drunk?"
Corn Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
Taking care of a few things around the house—disposing of some of the forgotten and rotting furniture out back.
Reading and researching.
Ana finishes up her shift at the bakery. After meeting her old boss at a new car parts store she links up with me at the house. Sharing Hard Boiled Eggs and a Grapefruit. Then, we check out the newly built Duck Donuts off VB Blvd – indulging in six donuts between the two of us, along with iced Coffees.
At the Seatack Rec Center playing a few pick-up basketball games while Ana makes use of the fitness room. I accidentally bonk her in the nose when throwing the ball around together.
Back at the house. Washing up. Dinner and a movie tonight.
Baked Haddock Filets with Broccoli, Carrots, Onions, and Black Rice.
Watching Five Easy Pieces (1970), one of my favorite Jack Nicholson films. I saw this a few years ago at a different time in my life when I identified with Jack's character; his name in the movie interestingly enough is Robert. While watching, Ana and I wash down our delicious dinner with some sparkling Wine she picked up from her catering job—it's really strong but wonderful.
I stand up from my computer chair and ask, "Are you ready to get down and dirty?" She crawls over to my vicinity and we do a repeat from last night, except this time the sex lasts a little bit longer.
Downstairs in the dining room – it's morning time – lumps of coal are heating up on a book shelf – I snack on a few lumps of coal; it's crunchy and ashy.
▬ ○ ☼
Waking up around 1 p.m.
Ana sends me a message telling me about a dream she had involving an attack of mini scorpions at an airport and her body being covered in a red powder—I was there but I couldn't help.
Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
Business. Communication.
Vacuuming.
Peanut Butter and Raspberry Jam Sandwich. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea. Banana.
I've pasted a scripture about patience and anger on the dashboard of my car, "Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools." I'm hoping this will help calm me down when dealing with rage on the road—I'm not trying to be a fool.
At the Seatack Rec Center playing basketball.
Mango.
Playing piano.
Roman-Grecco Pizza from Trader Joe's. Spinach Salad with Tomato and Northern Beans.
Watching Game 2 of the NBA playoffs for the Spurs Vs the Thunder.
PB&J Chocolate Bar.
Catching up on writing.
Ana comes over after hanging out at a friend's place off Indian River. I redesigned an area in my room near the closet and set up a piano. While we examine the scorpion dream she had I fiddle on the piano—playing a repetitive melodic trill.
"This is what my life sounds like right now." I change the subject to something slightly more serious and introspective. "I'm living in a fugue state—stuck in the same chord and melody—on the verge of a progression but nothing ever changes. Sometimes I feel my life is stagnant. I feel like I'm never building up to anything."
Not too long after that I turn down the lights to create a sexual anticipation that was already there to begin with – using the computer chair as a prop and location. This one's good. We were both going through withdrawal.
While brushing our teeth in the bathroom, to which we always make a game out of, I urinate in the toilet. Noticing a double stream, which happens on occasion.
"You ever seen a double stream before?" I ask.
She turns her head around and witnesses the double stream.
"Oh my god!" she says. "I've never seen that before. My life has changed."
Later on while lying in bed I play some of the videos I recorded tonight secretly, one of them while we were having sex.
Her: "What is that?"
She really has no idea at first until we start to hear the moaning sounds. In reaction to the sight of her behind she says, "It looks like a balloon!"
Honey Flakes, Oat Clusters, and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
Teaching piano lessons to Mike Farley.
Grocery shopping.
Peanut and Raspberry Jam Sandwich. Tortilla Chips with Avocado/Salsa. Honey Green Tea.
Research.
Working out at The Escape. Then, shooting some hoops at the Seatack Rec Center. At some point I check my phone to find 13 missed calls from China Wok. Ming, the cook, is out of town and they need some extra help. I deliver for an hour and a half—making some quick cash.
Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
Communications and organization.
Scrambled Egg. Mixed Vegetables. Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin with Vegan Cream Cheese. Honey Green Tea.
At The Escape lifting weights and doing core exercises.
Grapefruit. Homemade Granola Bar.
At the street basketball courts shooting around solo.
Back home.
Northern Beans with Tikki Paste, Garlic Sautéed Spinach, and Fried Rice. Icelandic Milk Chocolate.
Darren and Anthony convince me to join them on a bike ride. We ride up Laskin, up 24th, and north on the boardwalk—hollering at any passersby as they reciprocate the energy. We pass one of the colossal newer hotels near 30th where developers have taken control of the city's image. Darren yells at the room patios, his voice echoing, "You're part of the problem!"
Pit stop at the grand entrance of the old Cavalier hotel. Darren stands on the ledge and unloads a big piss on the alley below. Across the street we are confronted by the big money homes.
Darren: "We're the proletariat! We can't afford your homes!"
Back at the house. Darren and Anthony continue gulping down their cans of Rolling Rock and breaking down the world with critical minds. Later on, Josh, Will, and Taylor Surratt come home from Norfolk. Josh is inebriated and at some point throws a chair at my window from out back.
Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
All day shift at China Wok.
Grapefruit.
Ana visits me for a little bit before she has to work a catering shift down the street. Every time we drive by somebody walking their dog Ana immediately reacts with a giggly laugh or an aw. She's always been spiritually connected to the animals, especially ones that bounce around happily.
"That's all it takes," I say. "To make you happy."
Ana: "I like cute and innocent things!"
...
Her mood changes drastically but for reasons I don't feel like explaining. It was all unintentional of course. She tends to take my criticisms and observations about things personally. I don't usually direct my critiques on her but rather on the general "we". Either way, she's somewhat offended.
I stop by the house to pick up something for lunch. Kevin's sitting at the table using his computer. He just baked a pizza Skipp brought us and offers me the last three slices. I'm grateful cause this saves me time.
Pizza. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Black Forest Berry Honest Tea.
The day continues steadily.
There was a misunderstanding between the bosses and Kevin. Darren came in earlier to request working a full day's shift for Tuesday and they told him to work the rest of the week or something like that. Kevin's here now in the back begging not to be fired. I think they just got fed up with Kevin asking off so much. The China bosses can be so fickle; you never know what they really want. Kevin's persistent and doesn't quit till they agree to let him continue working as a delivery driver.
Enjoying some Blueberry Crumb Pie that Ana brought me from her catering job.
The last order of the night is to a nursing center on Shore Drive, an area I've been constantly traveling to and fro all day, a part of our delivery range that is simply too far for comfort. I complain in the car out loud, "Oh my God! Another fucking order for SHORE DRIVE!" And of course it's some security guard lady who ordered the bare minimum for delivery ($9.72) and she hands me a ten dollar bill and that's that. "Well that was predictable!"
I realize during these frustrating moments of ill repute that maybe these moments wouldn't be so repulsive if I just had patience. I struggle to maintain my composure after I get back into the car. It's there when I'm alone that I should seek an attitude of indifference and gratefulness.
Back home.
Tofu, Broccoli, Carrots, Onions, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.
I can hear the kids downstairs getting LIVE and throwing down—throwing back swigs of inebriation-induced liquids—being rambunctious and breaking glass. Ever since Anthony returned for the summer he's successfully enabled the chaos in everyone. It sounds poetic and all but it's not at all pleasant when you're somebody like me who enjoys mostly order (with the occasional chaos).
Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
All day shift at China Wok.
Peaches. Banana.
It's a beautifully steady day for deliveries.
Five Guys French Fries with Ketchup.
There was a startling moment during a delivery to Reflections Apartments when, after knocking on the customer's door, a girl opens the neighbor's door and a vicious sounding dog comes storming outside towards me—I really thought I was done for, like this dog was going to bite me in the leg or something. The girl tried her best to hold him back. I can see the father urgently arise from the couch and attempt to deal with the situation. But in the end nothing happened. The dog paused as soon as he got close and seemed to be okay with me standing there. The customer to my door opens up now and he just missed the excitement. He apologizes, "Sorry. We're a little puppy community here."
The day continues—on and on.
Homemade Granola Bars.
Off work and back home.
Mixed Vegetable Soup with Gen Tso's Chicken and Rice.
Ana and I are waking up with plans to go to church. I notice seven or ten baby cockroaches sitting on the chest of her shirt.
Me: "There's cockroaches on your shirt!"
She isn't as alarmed as I am. I start to notice a few creepy crawlies on my legs and arms. I start scolding her for not vacuuming the floor regularly and especially for not picking all the crumbs underneath the blankets, which was shown the night before.
Me: "Crumbs attract bugs, Ana! You've got to vacuum all the time."
My critical charade makes Ana upset—she doesn't like being told what to do. Her mom enters the room at some point to wash a pillow in the bathroom—I don't have a clue why. I get frustrated because I can't finish what I'm saying with her around. But I do anyway.
Me: "What I was going to say is...I didn't mean to egg you on and harp on you like that. I just...I just want to survive together with you!"
I stand her up and we embrace. I run into the bathroom to take a shower. There's a struggle getting the showerhead to stop spraying all over the bathroom. I get angry and break the showerhead with my bare hands. Water soaks everything, even the towel I was going to use. Ana checks in to see what all the commotion is about.
I assure her, "It's fine! Everything's fine!"
▬ ○ ☼
*
Waking up around 11ish a.m. next to Ana. She had gotten up earlier and played guitar out on the porch but lied down next to me about an hour ago.
†
She drives us to Handsome Biscuit, a local Norfolk café that is all the rage nowadays. I've yet to taste anything from here. It's a crowded little joint. I settled on the Shorty: Over Easy Egg and Cheese on a Sweet Potato Biscuit with a hefty serving of Hash Brown Krisp and a Pineapple Aguafresca (house soda).
*
Afterwards, we hit up Thrift Store City for some serious thrifting – it's the kind of thrift store that you could spend hours upon hours browsing – the biggest collection I've ever seen in one store – walking away empty-handed is impossible.
I know Ana is happy that I'm here with her in Norfolk, and the fact that we're spending time together during the day when the sunlight is out is another plus. The majority of our hangouts happen at night.
Back at her place we freshen our bodies with some Honey Green Tea and Mango then sing some songs together in the kitchen.
I depart around 4:30 and head to the Rec Center for basketball. Ana comes too to do her own workout.
Back at my place we sex each other up in the bedroom. For one, it's been too long since the last time. For two, she's stopped taking her birth control pills and her body is gradually returning to normal again, meaning no perpetual bleeding.
After she leaves for the night I chow down on Leftover Lentils with Baby Broccoli, Carrots, and Quinoa. Then taking care of a list of things I need to prepare for my work weekend like cutting fruit, prepping meals, and making granola bars. The house is quiet and I'm all alone, a rarity that I cherish. But of course I know this won't last forever. At around 2:30 a.m. the cavalry, lead by Peter Panthony, marches in through the door. They enjoyed a daytrip to Richmond and still seem to be high on themselves—hooting and hollering in the backyard—purposefully breaking things.
Ana texted me earlier, "You treat me so well, and you always make me feel special. I love you so much! I hope that you can see that when I look into your eyes. Thank you for everything. EVERYTHING!!"
Finishing the second half of my bathroom cleaning duties. Scrubbing the shower walls with the grill brush and wire mesh pad—it's a tedious and daunting task but I'm committed.
The maintenance guy came over yesterday and he tells us the same thing they tell us every year in regards to the air condition, which is essentially nothing. Our town home's ventilation system is poorly designed and hardly any airflow gets upstairs to our bedrooms leaving the thermostat to never get below 80 degrees unless it happens to be cool outside. I realized today that I have a perfectly good portable air condition unit at the storage unit. I figure out a way to install it in my bedroom.
Leftover Mojito Salmon, Refried Black Beans, Baby Broccoli, Carrots, Onions, and Brown Rice.
Watching Spring Breakers (2013).
At midnight—heading over to Ana's house in Norfolk. Spending the night here so we can get brunch at Handsome Biscuit and go thrifting tomorrow.
I arrive in her neighborhood a little early. I hear her loud stereo from around the corner. Going for a nice walk—eating a banana—talking about whatever and enjoying the beautiful night. We catch another lone bird just like last time singing various styles of whistles. Then, up another block a pair of German Shepherds bark viciously at us—one of them growls in such an unusual way.
Me: "Dang! Your neighborhood is like a jungle...all these different sounds—birds cawing—dogs growling."
Back inside her house. Snacking on Blueberries and having fun with microwaving a marshmallow. Enjoying the playful behavior between us. Settling down in her big queen-size bed around 3:30 a.m.
Hanging out with Beck in a newly acquired apartment. He owns a huge collection of books upon stacks of books—bookshelves everywhere. I open up a desk drawer where I put all my cash money from the workday—trying to count it. Beck is making a pizza from scratch in the kitchen.
▬ ○ ☼
Waking up just before 1 p.m.
Oat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.
General chores. Repotting plants.
Double Egg Sandwich with Mayo and Tomato. Banana. Homemade Kombucha Tea (from Will).
At the Rec Center playing some 1-on-1 and 21. I was scheduled to work a part-time shift at China Wok but after calling my bosses they didn't seem to need me. So I chill at the Rec and play some full court games for adult basketball.
Navel Orange. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips.
Leftover Lentils, Brussel Sprouts, Onions, and Quinoa. Reed's Ginger Ale.
I've got a date with Elliott tonight. We ride bikes up and down the boardwalk—taking it all the way up to 82nd Street. It's been a while since we've hung out so we have a lot to catch up on – the latest and greatest on ideas, ambitions, friend news, etc.
Stopping by Bella Pizza for a few slices.
I head home a little before midnight. When I arrive I see a familiar long-haired face in front of the house...Anthony. I didn't have the opportunity for an official welcome home hug until now. There're a lot of people here meddling around in the dining room: James Graves, Kevin, Aj, Richie, and Jessica. Anthony's frenetic spirit hasn't weakened one bit. He's still acting like a puppy dog or a jester running around and getting everyone riled up. He looks somewhat thinner in the face since I last saw him, which would've been less than a year ago. There's a lot of excitement about a possible new travel/film project between him and Skippy where they'd all take a year long road trip across America and Ed Harris would provide all the camera equipment needed. Whenever Anthony's around there's no lack of that electric 20-something spirit.
Anthony barges into my room throughout the night while I catch up on writing and reading. He sprawls out onto my bed and insinuates he'll be sleeping here tonight.
He assures me, "Don't worry. I'll leave the room when you need to masturbate. Discretion is the better part of valor my friend. I'll just sleep on the floor over there."
...
He starts off asking about Ana, the new important person/partner in my life—then, asking about Phil Gray and what he's doing—then quoting something he read the other day..."People only value the internet as much as the internet makes them important………And if you have a whole separate life on the internet that has promoted you and over valued you or has highlighted you in a specific way that in real life you don't have then you will value it that much. But if you're someone who in no way is serviced by the internet then you're just like ah well whatever it's the fucking internet. But then to me the quote was a little empty cause I thought well that's true of anything. I value anything that helps make me feel like I've got a bigger sense of self-worth."
I missed Anthony and his high-strung critical energy.
"Here's what bothers me: For, let's say, a hundred and twenty thousand years if someone had an image of a train in their head it was because they'd actually seen that train and now for the past hundred years...if I asked you to think about a baseball game, or I asked you to think about a kiss under the bleachers, or I asked you to think about a summer sunset some of your first images in your head without you even realizing it would be TV/movies. And for 99% of human existence up until the past century that was never the case—there were actual things that you experienced so now all of a sudden these images aren't ours! For some reason these images that we've never really experienced have replaced the images that we have because they're so pervasive and it freaks me the fuck out! If someone asks you to remember things and you give TV and movies more than you give your own life...you gotta take a step back at that point—I think that that can't be healthy to a degree, man. This is the first time in life, in civilization when we are less human than we've ever been. There is such a disconnect between actual experiences and simulated communal experiences in a virtual world—we've created a whole simulated world online. People have never been able to handle anything healthily—people have never been able to do things in moderation. With TV...do they just watch a little bit of it and reap the benefits of it? No! They fucking sat there for thirty fucking hours and turned into fucking zombies. With even radio! And sometimes I think when books first came out I bet you there was a vocal minority who was like you're getting taking out what's really happening right here, right now and you're going to some place that doesn't exist. It's not a question of what's evil and what's good. It's just crazy—we're always trying to get out of the right here and the right now, which is nothing new. And it's accelerating because of technology. How much does real technology play in our evolution as human beings...and that scares the shit out of me...because it shouldn't."
Me: "Technology is designed to shave off seconds and minutes from our lives."
Anthony: "And it becomes a question in me, the age old Kurt Vonnegut thing: what do you do with that time? Someone who says they don't watch TV and they spend four hours on Facebook or Tumblr and they think that it's not like as bad. It's the same exact thing."
Me: "Well, it's all about choosing what to do with your time—being wise with your time. That's the real problem."
Anthony: "And there's no way you can think that forty years from now people are gonna wanna wait even ten seconds for anything."
Me: "For example, even look at reading articles online—they're always really short—they're always like three paragraphs long."
Anthony: "Of course they are. Because they know your attention span."
Me: "You're going through it and you're like alright I'm done with that. Oh what's next? Oh what's next? And there's always another article to read. And you never retain that information."
Anthony: "Not at all."
Me: "And when you read a book—you're spending a lot of time with that book so you retain the information."
At some point we finalize our thoughts on the future of society and he leaves the room.
Sleep 4 a.m.
[i] Corner of 17th and Mediterranean. Image by me.
Honey Flakes, Oat Clusters, and Granola with Vanilla Almond Milk.
Shopping for groceries.
Falafel Wrap with Hummus, Tomatoes, and Kale. Black Tea with Honey. Banana. Navel Orange.
Cleaning the downstairs bathroom thoroughly and half of the upstairs bathroom.
Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips.
Ana meets up with me and we go to The Escape for a good one-hour workout. Then, to the basketball courts off First Colonial. While she runs on the track field I play a few games of 3-on-3 with some ball players.
Back at the house. I cook us dinner: Mojito Salmon with Baby Broccoli, Carrots, and Brown Rice. Kevin and Will join us at the table, Will with his Williamsburg White Ales and Kevin with his PBR's. Ana and I sip on Bubbly Elderberry Lemonades. It's Movie Monday but it's just the four of us. We decide on Death Race 2000, the original 1975 cult classic with Sylvester Stallone and David Carridine.
Sharing fresh Mango.
Later on, Ana and I are hanging out upstairs. It's been a while since we've made love and I'm kind of horny. We play around on the floor but for some reason after getting revved up I go limp. It may have something to do with it being the end of her period—before I could really connect it required a second step of preparation. Anytime there's a pause in the process I kind of lose it. This leads to some unsettling conversations about birth control. She's been on the pill for the past three months but it wasn't making her feel good physically and emotionally. After a while I recommend we go for a walk.
...
It's two in the morning. We stroll down the sidewalk of the neighborhood—I apologize if I sounded insensitive—she apologizes for building invisible walls. We pass by a lone bird in a tree singing various melodies, like a medley of different whistle styles from jazz to pop to blues to hip-hop. It just sounds so funny.
Me: "I've never heard a bird do that before. It's like he's trying to find his voice."
Ana: "He's really enjoying himself.
Me: "He's practicing for his gig in the morning."
...
Back in the bedroom trying to stay cool from all this heat. She brings up the fact that I keep all her things safe.
Ana: "You've got my CD's. You've got my spare key. You're like a safe storage!"
At about 5 in the morning I hear some clanging and mischief in the hallway. I was told Anthony was back in town and was having a fireworks gathering at the beach. I would have joined them at the beach but I was terribly beat from the workday. I can only suspect those chuckles I hear in the hallway are Anthony's. I pay no mind cause I'm so tired.
Later I wake up at 11:15 a.m. In the hallway I find almost all of the pictures, signs, and artwork have been ripped off the walls. I don't have time to repair or really react. This is really immature. But later I send a text to any possible culprits (Josh and Anthony): "Dear Demolition Crew, thank you for tearing everything down from the hallway walls. I really appreciate the respect."
Josh responds, "That didn't take a crew—Anthony took care of that like I figured he would. My days of house destroying are behind me."
Me: "Yeah we all have to grow up eventually."
Josh: "Except Peter Panthony!"
Wheat Flakes and Granola with Vanilla Almond Milk.
All day shift at China Wok.
Anthony apologizes a little later, "My sincerest apologies for my involvement in the disrespectful destruction. You deserve better than that because you give better than that. I personally will not create any more messes for you to clean up while I am in town."
Ana and her mother stop by. They both look sparkling and fitting together.
Kale Salad with Tomatoes and Hard Boiled Egg. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Green Tea with Honey. Almond Cookie (via Ana).
It's a fairly steady day, nothing too overwhelming. Listening to podcasts as I drive around the city.
Banana.
It's Mother's Day. Talking with my mom on the phone updating one another on the changes in our lives.
Sharing a Reed's Ginger Ale with Ling.
Plantain Chips.
Off work and back home.
Lentils and Broccoli with Fried Rice.
Watching Don Jon (2013).
Conversing with Josh downstairs – he informs me on some of the drunken traumatic events between Anthony and him at the beach the night before. This puts the 5 a.m. occurrence into perspective.
Honey Flakes, Oat Clusters, and Granola with Vanilla Almond Milk.
All day shift at China Wok.
It's a slow one.
Peanut Butter English Muffin. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Green Tea with Honey.
The day continues – business picks up later in the evening.
Peanut Butter Chocolate Granola Bars.
Ana stops by – she's dressed in her bakery attire (purple chef jacket and ball cap). She orders her usual orange tofu and we enjoy each other's company for a while.
Off work and back home.
Tofu with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce. Egg Roll.
At 10:45 a.m. on the dot I wake up. But I realize no alarm went off cause I forgot to set it last night. Despite I fall back to sleep and reawaken with only ten minutes to leave.
All day shift at China Wok.
Grapefruit.
When I find the right time I pour myself a bowl of Honey Flakes, Oat Clusters, and Granola with Vanilla Almond Milk.
Peanut Butter English Muffin. Plantain Chips. Green Tea with Honey. Banana.
While communicating in a group message on Facebook with people trying to plan a Kings Dominion trip the little girls take notice to the picture of roller coasters so I scroll through photos and stream videos of POV shots of thrill rides. They oo and ah at all the steep drops.
It's extremely slow for business at the restaurant, so slow that Ling comes out from the kitchen to throw the ball around with the girls.
Peanut Butter Chocolate Granola Bars.
Getting through the rest of the day with flying colors.
Off work and back home.
Mongolian Chicken with Mixed Vegetables, an Egg Roll, and a Reed's Ginger Ale.
[i]
