[i]
Waking up around 12:30 p.m. Little do I know the first half of my day is going to be disruptive. I foresee this as soon as I check my phone. The shop that's working on my car informs me it won't be ready till tomorrow and it will cost more than expected. But fortunately I'm able to lower my costs by finding the parts through Napa Auto Parts.
Honey Crunch n Oats with Almonds and Vanilla Almond Milk.
And then the manager for the storage unit facility is calling to tell me about rebuilding the wall inside my unit. When Josiah left months ago they didn't bother building the wall but now they want to rent out the other side of my space. I don't have my car of course so I hop on my bike and ride over to the storage unit to let the owner see the situation and figure out a plan. He's giving me until Friday to dismantle the sheet metal wall so the other guys can come in to install the middle wall. I spend an hour organizing and moving things around – sweeping and throwing out some of the unnecessary things I've saved. All of a sudden I hear a big POP! sound from just outside the unit – it sounded like a gun just went off. Once I hop on my bike to leave I discover the front wheel tube popped. This is my only mode of transportation back home. I walk over to Performance Bicycle nearby and have them look at it. They give me a replacement tube. I start pumping it up with air. As soon as I reach 85 psi POP! The deafening sound goes directly into my right ear causing a momentary deafness. Two bigger girls happen to be standing near the counter.
"Wow! That was loud."
I feel sorry for them and our eardrums. The air pop was so powerful it caused a significant dent in the rim. We're all a little shocked. Turns out the rim was causing the problem the whole time. It's very old and rusty inside the lining and the air pressure pressing up against all that sharpness is trouble. It's just one problem after the other. One of the employees, a guy much younger than I, tends to my problem. He grabs a new rim but it turns out the rim doesn't match the tire even though it's technically the same size. I'm gonna have to special order it. Meanwhile, an hour has passed. It's almost 5 o'clock. Ana's been working a new job at an auto parts store out on Holland Road. I get her to pick me up. She's a lifesaver.
We share a quick lunch at the house: Scrambled Eggs, Naan Bread with Hummus, Watermelon, and Honey Green Tea.
Then, at the Rec Center. She works out while I play adult basketball. I'm decent tonight, getting at least three or four goals in every game.
On the ride back home I can see she's brooding about something. But of course she won't confess what the problem is. I tell her every time she answers my questions of "What's the problem?" with "Nothing" I'm gonna slap her butt. Back home. We knock on Kevin's door. He opens up wearing his infamous blue flannel bathrobe and with that silly grin.
Me: "What're doing, Kevin?"
Kevin: "I'm just watching House of Cards."
After Ana leaves she calls me to finally release her thoughts...
Me: "You don't think you're ideal for me?"
She has a tendency to see herself as inadequate in relationships, imagining other people that would be more adequate. But she has no reason to consider herself inadequate for me. I have no complaints. She's so encouraging, loving, fun, etc. She's more than adequate.
Me: "It sounds to me like a heart and brain battle. You have a problem with thinking for me."
Ana: "I just want what's best for you."
...
Me: "You gotta be where you are. You can't live in the future and you definitely can't live in the past."
...
Me: "Ana, do you love me?"
Ana: Yes!"
Me: "Alright then. There's that! You've gotta be fueled by love, not worry. Do you agree?"
Ana: "Yeah."
Lentil Soup with leftover Couscous, Baby Broccoli, Carrots, and Onions. Williamsburg White Ale.
Finishing Old Boy (2013).
Later on I call Ana back as requested via text. She sounds sleepy but manages to conclude some thoughts on the issue...
Ana: "I think the reason I keep saying I don't want to be in a relationship right now is because I'm dissatisfied with myself and I'm not how I'd like to be. You're right when you say there's nothing really wrong with our relationship. You treat me well. I think I pretend there's something wrong when there isn't. I act like I'm being abandoned but you don't treat me that way at all."
Cleaning and various tasks.
Sleep 3:30 a.m.
[i] Ian Francis.
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