[i]
Waking up at 10:50 a.m.
Ana's downstairs in the kitchen discovering she is out of chocolate chips. It's raining hard outside.
"I'm trying not to go to the store today," she says. "But I have to make more of those cookies."
"Why do you have to make more of those cookies?" I ask.
"Cause its Sunday! And I need chocolate!" she exclaims.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Maca Powder, Maple Syrup, Chia Seeds, Strawberries, and Almond Milk. Coffee with Cream and Honey.
All day shift at China Wok.
Banana.
Delivering an order to Cape Henry Towers off Shore Drive, an address that is super far for us to be delivering to in the first place. I'm already expecting a stiff cause it happens every time with this dude. On the elevator ride down I realize that letting this affect my attitude would mean I am trying to be in control. And the truth is we can't always be in control. It's a daily battle learning to accept what is. There's no point in complaining about petty stuff like this cause I should just trust that I'll get blessed later on.
Grilled PB&J. Vegetable Root Chips. Plantain Chips. Pu-erh Tea.
I put on an episode from This American Life on my phone to listen to while I deliver. This one kind of hits home.
"When you lighten someone's load you don't allow them to expand."
Listening to this particular episode is a good reminder of how I should loosen up and allow others to take control of their lives. But it's hard for me to not micromanage everything. I realize I do this a lot with Ana by not allowing her to do things – I tend to take the reigns because I think I know what's best. But I want her to grow as I grow.
My 33rd delivery tips me exactly $3.33.
After 11 hours I'm finally home from work enjoying my China Wok dinner of Shrimp with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce. Ana and mom join me at the table to discuss our experiences of the day. Ana spent most of the day cleaning and hanging out with an old friend of hers. Mom shares a revelation she had regarding difficulties with her uncle Kenny in Portsmouth – how humor can be a good tool in dealing with dementia. I share my earlier thoughts about control in one's life and encouraging independence in others, how enabling another person is detrimental for their growth. Both mom and I have similar struggles of wanting to be in control of everything.
Enjoying three of Whitney's Red Velvet Cake Batter Chocolate Chip Cookies.
Worried about the day she has to leave coming so soon my mom says, "I can just feel the days dwindling. It's like I can see an hourglass in front of me. And then I'll be back in Bartow."
I can tell she's enjoying her time here. It's nice having her around to brighten everyone's faces.
We say our goodnights to mom as she wraps up in Ana's bed. In my bedroom Ana reflects on everything.
Ana: "I love your mom. She's so silly. It's just so funny – the three of us hanging out together."
The two of them are like chatterboxes that touch on every tangent possible when telling a story. But that's what gives them character.
Sleep 3:30 a.m.
[i] Image by me.
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