[i]
☼ ○ ▬
With Ana driving my car on the interstate. Not sure what state or country we're in but it's understood we're approaching a controversial bridge with an extreme slope – it almost resembles a roller coaster track. We're both very nervous, Ana more than I, as the car makes it's way up the bridge. Reaching the peak, which upon looking down seems like miles and miles of elevation. The road curves up and almost upside down. Confident that we won't fall I drive at a steady pace up the track. Suddenly, the car loses its traction and the car flies off the road. We jump out and hang on for deer life.
I shout to Ana, "It's alright! We're gonna get through this. We're gonna survive, okay?"
She's afraid; so am I but I don't show it. I maintain my composure. We start making our way down the tower, carefully placing our feet on the flimsy ladder-like structure. There are still miles and miles of distance between the ground and us – we can feel the mist of the clouds floating by our face. Ana takes one side and I take the other but we stay parallel with each other. Somehow we manage to arrive at the bottom. There're a couple of old lady tourists congratulating us on our descent from the top.
I celebrate with Ana, "Wow! I can't believe we just did that! We did it!"
▬ ○ ☼ ○ ▬
Later on, we're at an airport. Upon entering the restroom I'm confronted by a man with hostile intent. It's hazy what actually happens but the man manages to escape through a secret compartment door in the bathroom and I save myself from harm. I meet up with Ana like nothing happened. She goes off to the restroom. I'm left waiting at a table. Minute after minute goes by. For some reason I didn't think about how she could be in danger because of what I encountered earlier. I realize this suddenly and run to the bathroom. I spot a man with sunglasses making his way into the women's restroom where Ana is. He sees me running and hurries inside locking the door behind him. I make it to the door but I can't turn the knob.
I yell as loud as I can, "Hey! Open the fucking door you bastard!"
At this point I've alarmed bystanders. I'm furious and frightened for Ana. Within a couple of seconds the door is unlocked by the man. I rush inside. The lights aren't working so I leave the door propped to allow light from the airport in. The man has disappeared of course. I peek under the bathroom stalls and see Ana's expressionless face, her eyes closed.
"Oh no. Oh no," I mutter nervously under my breath.
I barge into the stall and find Ana keeled over and passed out. I can't tell if she's unconscious or dead. It all feels so real. I try to pick her up in my arms and wake her up but no luck. How could I be so careless by letting her go off alone after what happened to me?
▬ ○ ☼
Waking up with a full on sore throat at noon.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Maca Powder, Maple Syrup, Chia Seeds, Strawberries, and Almond Milk. Green Tea.
Catching up on my to-do list.
I don’t want to pass on my sore throat contagion to any of my students so I cancel lessons for today. Instead, I stay at home and work on stuff.
Leftover Tilapia Fish Sandwich with Greek Yogurt, Mustard, and Tomato. Flax Corn Tortilla Chips with Avocado and Salsa. Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies. Earl Grey Tea with Lemon and Honey.
Finishing Robocop (2014).
Practicing Ladada bass lines.
Ana's home from work. She sits on my bed while I recite my crazy dream about her to an ominous soundtrack.
Despite my slight illness Ana and I head to The Escape. We spend a good amount of time in the sauna. I brought a diluted solution of eucalyptus oil to splash on the hot rocks. The Russians seem to enjoy it. They keep muttering "хорошо".
Back home. I cook us a hearty pot of Lentil, Ginger, Garlic, Onion, and Carrot Soup with Snow Peas and Quinoa.
[ii]
We wait for Kevin, Whitney, and Steven to get home so we can start Movie Monday. Tonight's showing is Whiplash (2014), about an aspiring jazz drummer being instructed by a frightening conductor with a method-to-the-madness kind of teaching. There's a lot of sweat, blood, and emotions. As Kevin explains, if Rambo were a movie about jazz drumming this would be it. Sharing Chocolate Chip Cookie Almond Cookies.
Later on, after all is settled and the rest of the house is asleep, Ana says something out of left field, "I don't think I can be with you." I knew she was feeling off after the movie but I couldn't put my finger on it. This isn't the first time she's said something like this. I've heard it a number of times. It happens when she's stressed about her own life and when she feels disconnected from me/others. Ever since she moved in we've seen more of each other, which has been a joyful addition but has also interfered with her "independence" as she claims.
Me: "I don't judge you. I just have expectations of you. I expect you to be strong in who you are."
I know I can be controlling and a bit bossy sometimes, if not all the time. But she knows it's only because I want the best for the situation. I still want to alleviate that frustration off her and be less controlling. I need to work on this. I try to explain that the point of a relationship like ours is to lighten one another's load – help each other out – like a team.
Me: "We're a team, Ana! And we're going to win at life!"
At some point I tuck her in her bed and we share a warm embrace.
Sleep 4 a.m.
[i] Storseisundet Bridge on the Atlantic Highway in Norway.
[ii] Image by me.
[i]
