This is an open and unfiltered diary-style journal
on the life of James Robert Smith.
This blog will contain sometimes graphic experiences (both beautiful and ugly),
sometimes stark insight, and all honest and factual documentation of dreams, diet, activity, and thoughts.
Steel Cut Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Raisins, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Guayusa Tea.
Meeting with Kim Nelson at Red Chalk Studios down the street off First Colonial. I’m preparing to hire them as the creative agency for Music Makers mainly dealing with marketing, advertising, and branding. After such a pleasant meeting I really hope that I can afford to work with them.
With Ana taking Elvis to the vet for an exam and to figure out the cause of this inflammation on the bottom of his mouth.
Getting groceries.
Tuna Salad Sandwich with Lettuce and Tomato. Potato Chips with Avocado. Oolong Tea. Chocolate Chip Cookies.
Teaching lessons at Music Makers.
Orange.
Back home.
Lentil Noodles with Tomato Sauce and a Kale Salad. Parmesan Bread.
Watching Cardboard Boxer (2016).
At the studio working on the books (accounting) for the month.
At the house enjoying a little time with Anthony and Ana scouring the internet for photos and remnants of a late night coffee shop from back in the early 00’s called Casablanca’s Café.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Guayusa Tea.
Teaching afternoon lessons at Music Makers. Some of these kids are real tough to teach – too many video games and no attention span. Sometimes I don’t know what to do...
Orange.
Toasted PB&J. Potato Chips. Oolong Tea.
Back at Music Makers. Meeting with Drew and DeeGee to hand over the rest of the money I owe them for the business. Now it’s official: I am the owner of Music Makers. I’ve already been running the store since last July. Searching for a loan was a huge racket.
Later, my friend Rich stops by. I haven’t seen him since the old days from the old scene. He had a reputation of sporting a huge mohawk. He brought his reptile green guitar and amp. I hop on the drums and we jam to some surf-punk songs he wrote. Ana’s here and attempts vocals to go with.
Back home. Warming up leftover Pizza to share with Ana and Rich. He shows us some bands and video gameplays on Youtube.
A bowl of Honey Crunch n Oats with Banana, Blueberries, and Almond Milk.
At the Rec for adult basketball.
Apple.
The loan money was transferred to my account today so I stop by the bank to make a cash and cashier’s check withdrawal in preparation to hand over to Drew and DeeGee tomorrow, finally completing the business deal.
Scrambled Eggs. Toast with Non-Dairy Cream Cheese. Corn Tortilla Chips with Avocado and Tomato. Black Tea.
Watching American Pastoral (2016).
Teaching in-home lessons.
Back home.
Tempeh with Onions, Kale, Carrots, and Brown Rice.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Guayusa Tea.
At the Princess Anne Rec playing non-stop basketball.
Banana.
Scrambled Eggs. Naan Bread with Non-Dairy Cream Cheese. Potato Chips with Avocado. Oolong Tea.
Watching a Viceland documentary on a white supremacist family.
Teaching lessons at Music Makers.
Back home. Ana makes dinner: Tempeh, Red Peppers, Onions, Zucchini, Brussel Sprouts, and Quinoa.
DEJA rehearsal.
When your girlfriend asks, “How often do you masturbate?” how do you answer? It’s a delicate question cause I don’t want to offend her if I say very often. In the end I just say, “As much as I want.” And then explain how you can keep the sperm count low the more you masturbate, which prevents the chances of getting pregnant.
At my dad’s old house in Dudley, North Carolina. I’m visiting at my current age but it feels like I’m a little boy again. For some reason I’m in the kitchen trying to prepare a bowl of cereal. I search through the cabinets and its stock full of all kinds of cereal boxes. Why are there so many boxes of cereal? I ask myself. I struggle on deciding which one I want to eat.
▬☼
Waking up at 11 a.m.
Steel Cut Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Guayusa Tea.
At the studio working on business – emails – selling.
My dad finally got a loan approved to help me finish the deal with Drew and DeeGee. Phew! It feels like a ton of bricks off my shoulders. It’s amazing how complicated it was for me to get a business loan on my own and it only took a day for him to be approved.
Back home. Anthony made the house Salmon, Brown Rice, and Beans. I steam up some Kale to go with.
Target.
Ice Cream.
At the studio listening intently to some new tunes that DEJA will be covering. “Owner of a Lonely Heart” and “In the Air Tonight”. All this time I spend studying songs that have already been done before I could be creating my own songs. Sometimes, I get tired of being in a cover band.
A bowl of Honey Crunch n Oats with Banana and Almond Milk.
Teaching a few early afternoon lessons.
Getting groceries at Trader Joe’s.
Tuna Salad Sandwich with Lettuce and Tomato. Corn Tortilla Chips with Avocado and Tomato. Oolong Tea.
Finishing Cape Fear (1991).
Teaching lessons the rest of the day at Music Makers.
Apple.
While exchanging how are you’s? with one of my teen students I ask him what he thinks about Trump becoming president tomorrow. He responds with, “Well, I’d rather have a racist than a criminal.” Inside I cringe but say something about having to choose the lesser of two evils. I can’t believe we’ve gotten to this point where we have to settle on somebody like Trump. I hope for something good to come out of it.
Back home. Putting together some leftovers: Noodles with Chicken, Kale, Carrots, and Naan Bread.
Watching Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016).
Working on stuff.
Chamomile Tea.
Venting to Ana about the stresses and frustrations of trying to obtain this business loan. It feels like the whole system is designed to make you fail, even with my near perfect credit score. Trying to find a business loan is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
Waking up at 10:37 a.m. to the sound of some dudes in a red pickup truck in the backyard making a racket installing a new set of doors for the neighbors. One of them yells in reaction to something, “You fuckin’ kiddin’ me?”
Ana thought she heard, “You fuckin’ hippies!”
“Why in the world would they say that, Ana?” I ask.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Raisins, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Guayusa Tea.
At the Princess Anne Rec for lunchtime basketball. They’ve got multiple games going. I’m probably gonna start coming to this Rec from now on if I want to play afternoon games.
Banana.
Scrambled Eggs. Toast with Non-Dairy Cream Cheese. Potato Chips. Golden Beet Soup. Oolong Tea.
Spending the night in a big hotel-like house with friends and friends of friends. Not sure what we’re doing here. Maybe we’re all traveling. Ana ends up sleeping in another room – it’s possible she’s mad at me for choosing to sleep alone. I walk down the hall to my room. A girl is lying in my bed.
“Can I sleep next to you?” she asks.
I don’t say yes or no. A friend of the girl’s enters the room later on. The girl insists on doing sexual things with me. Again I don’t say yes or no. Feeling guilty cause Ana is right down the hall. I wake up during the encounter but fall back to sleep in the same scenario. Now I’m aware this situation is a dream so the guilt fades away. And we continue on.
▬☼
Waking up at 10:37 a.m. Feeling guilty for having that dream. But I know whenever you dream about having sex with other people it just means you haven’t had sex with your significant other in a long time. It has been a few weeks.
Steel Cut Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Black Tea.
A bowl of Honey Crunch n Oats with Banana and Almond Milk. Black Tea.
Off to conduct the first Music Makers rock school session of the year. We’re four bands strong this winter. I mean it’s really stacked this time around. There’s even a girl on violin doing the “Iron Man” riffs. Super excited about it. Josiah and Ana are here helping out for the first half. Ana’s singing in the teen band and Josiah’s coaching.
PB&J. Plantain Chips. Apple.
Jimmy’s here for the second half. My head starts spinning after a while. It can be stressful managing every aspect of a band. Multi-tasking. Listening. Playing. Instructing. All in one.
I make the little kids band quote Zig Ziglar, “Repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.”
After the working day is done Ana, mom, and I take a $50 gift card I got from Christmas and head to Lager Heads for dinner. Even though I need a break from socializing it’s nice to enjoy a meal with the closest people in my life. My mom explains her thoughts on how I teach the rock school and how fulfilling it is for every one of those students even if it isn’t perfect. In the end it’s not about how well the song is performed but more about the personal enrichment and sense of accomplishment.
...
Enjoying Fish n Chips (Beer Battered Haddock Filets with Boardwalk Fries and Kale Slaw) and a Belgian White Ale.
Back home. I’m tired way too early. But I chill out with Chamomile Tea and a Cinnamon Roll. Spending a little bit of time with Ana and the cat. I relay my thoughts on that American Honey movie I finished watching and how visceral and raw it was. Later on in the conversation she tries to repeat that Ziglar quote. She gets humorously frustrated when I finish her sentence.
“Uuuuuugh!” she exclaims as she reaches in to pinch my legs, something she does frequently when I get on her nerves. “I wish I could just ball you like a piece of paper and throw you on the floor!”
I try to fulfill her imagination and pretend to ball up on the floor. “And then Elvis will play with me like a toy.”
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Raisins, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Guayusa Tea.
Teaching lessons all afternoon at Music Makers.
Banana.
Back home.
Scrambled Eggs. Toast with Non-Dairy Cream Cheese. Corn Tortilla Chips with Avocado and Tomato.
Watching American Honey (2016).
Catching up on business and prepping for rock school.
Ana arrives home. I cook up a quick dinner: Sweet Potatoes, Brussel Sprouts, Onions, and English Peas. We watch an old clip from 1991 of Jim Carrey doing stand-up.
Preparing the rehearsal space for rock school tomorrow.
Meanwhile, Ana and mom make a batch of Cinnamon Rolls from pizza dough. Gooey sweetness!
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Raisins, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Guayusa Tea.
At the Rec with Ana shooting the basketball around.
Ana explains to me an epiphany she had while running on the treadmill, “I realized life is amazing if you play music or do art.”
Toasted PB&J. Potato Chips. Fuji Apple.
Watching Inferno (2016).
Teaching all my in-home lessons.
At Music Makers working on a few things. Leslie Schiff drops by to say hello. We haven’t seen each other in a long, long time. We catch up on our respective lives.
Back home. Enjoying the slow cooked Red Beans with Onions, Kale, Carrots, Quinoa, and a bit of Salmon.
Putting together a hodgepodge of leftovers for dinner: Japanese Style Fried Rice with Vegetables and Edamame.
At the Tidewater storage unit for Ladada rehearsal with Bobby, Josiah, and Jon. We’ve got no show coming up. We just jam on new material. The name “Jam Stars” comes up after we jam forever on this one tune. We joke about changing the band name to Jam Stars and just playing shows unplanned or basically jamming. It’s kind of a joke but it could be serious.
Back home. After eating Pineapple I notice a slug oozing on the kitchen floor – not an unusual sight.
Trying to fall asleep at 3:30 a.m. I can hear my mom downstairs in the living room hacking away – she seems to have an unstoppable cough. I hate hearing her in pain. Meanwhile, the cat is bothering Ana while she’s trying to sleep in the next room. Every now and then I hear her holler, “Stoooooop!”
Investigating an old house with a guy that’s understood to be a neighbor. The house is understood to belong to my great uncle Kenny but he passed away many months ago. It’s nighttime – shining the light onto the screened-in porch. All the furniture and décor is still up – nobody’s moved any of it. We turn our heads for a second. Suddenly Kenny appears in the dark room as a ghost – he makes this kind of a grunting sound with a gasp at the end. I step back in shock and fear. Later on, I’m running away from somebody, maybe a government agency. I explore a warehouse that’s been abandoned. It’s supposed to be a restroom facility. There’s a door that leads to second floor loft apartment. I climb up the stairs – it feels like somebody lives here but nobody’s around. There’s a bed, a ceiling fan, bookshelves, a computer, etc. The air is very stale – no ventilation – having a hard time breathing. I try turning off all the lights but it’s proving difficult. The people are still searching for me. I can’t even remember what I’ve done wrong. I stay hidden underneath a window. A crowd of people in the hall notice my presence. I try to cover up with a teddy bear. Chase dreams give me so much anxiety!
▬☼
Waking up at 11:33 a.m.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Black Tea.
At the Rec with Ana shooting the basketball around – happy to be exercising the body after the snow weekend. The roads are still difficult to drive on.
Scrambled Eggs. Toast with Non-Dairy Cream Cheese. Corn Tortilla Chips with Avocado and Tomato. Oolong Tea.
Teaching a few lessons but only a few cause most of them were cancelled due to the persistent icy roads.
Taking care of a few things at the store.
Back home. Mom cooks dinner tonight: Battered Cod Filets, Cornbread, Beet Greens, and Potatoes.
Mom, Ana, and I enjoy our meal while watching Miyazaki’s Ponyo (2009).
During intermission Ana and I brave the icy roads to Kroger for some groceries but mostly for Ice Cream.
Waking up at 11:30 a.m. We had to postpone rock school sessions cause the neighborhood roads are still questionable.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Raisins, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Black Tea.
Catching up on writing.
The power suddenly goes out. Fun times.
Ana and I hop in the car to run errands. Even though the mayor officially closed the city we still gotta get stuff done. Every time we pull up to accomplish something on my to-do list I say, “Still gotta [take out the trash] [go to the bank] [drop off the recycle] [get cat food at Target]!”
Toasted PB&J. Honey Crisp Apple. Oolong Tea.
At the studio compiling ads on Craigslist for all the instruments we have on sale at the store.
Back home.
Making Pizza from scratch. Between my mom, Ana, and I we devour all two pies while watching the Miyazaki film, The Wind Rises (2013).
Doing some teacher homework upstairs.
All the while mom stills finishes watching the movie. The story really stirred something in her. She cries explaining the ending to us.
Ana wakes me up around 11:30 a.m. “French toast is ready! And it’s snowing!”
Enjoying French Toast with Guayusa Tea.
The snow falls and covers everything in sight. The strong winds make it look like a blizzard. Apparently, the mayor shut down the city for the next three days.
Catching up on business and doing research. Meanwhile, Ana takes advantage of her days off to clean her room thoroughly and repot plants.
I brave the short drive from the house to the studio to do some inventory. The rear driver’s side tire’s suspension is frozen over making every little bump feel like I’m driving into potholes. The city did a good job of clearing the main roads.
Back home. Ana and I slop together some leftovers for dinner: Lentils, Broccoli, Carrots, Volcano Rice, and Quinoa. Watching a documentary on a plant based diet.
Doing our chores. Giving Elvis a flea treatment bath.
I decide to brave the roads again and set up things at the rock school rehearsal spot off Lynnhaven. It’s up in the air if we’re even having sessions tomorrow but I still need to organize the room and get a game plan.
In Dudley, North Carolina at the old house on Pine Tree Lane where I used to spend the summers with my dad. It’s getting close to nighttime. I hear my dad start up his truck out front. I run around the corner in my brown house slippers tromping through the mulch and flowerbed trying to catch up to him but he’s already driving up the hill without me. I run up the hill after him. For some reason there’s a big black gorilla. I communicate to the gorilla with hand signals that I want to get on his back and ride him like a horse. At first he seems suspicious but eventually I hop on his back and off we go up the hill while he hoots and hollers...
“Oo! Ah! Ah!”
▬ ☼
Waking up at 12:28 p.m. lying next to Ana.
Steel Cut Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Raisins, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Black Tea.
Taking care of business.
Scrambled Eggs. Naan Bread with Non-Dairy Cream Cheese. Potato Chips with Avocado. Pu-erh Tea.
Teaching all my in-home lessons.
Honey Crisp Apple.
Making dinner with Ana: Tempeh with Beet Greens, Onions, and Golden Beet Soup.
Watching a Miyazaki film while we eat.
Ana bakes some kind of cookies with almond flour. We top them off with leftover chocolate frosting.
I start jamming on the electric guitar unplugged – Ana slaps the bass – coming up with a new tune.
Ana and I lie down in my bed and finish the Miyazaki movie. Meanwhile, the snow falls consistently outside.
Cuddling up next to each other and enjoying the comfort of being safe inside from the snow storm a brewing just outside the window. Sexy time.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Raisins, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Black Tea.
Getting groceries with Ana at Trader Joe’s.
Business.
Toasted PB&J. Potato Chips. Oolong Tea.
Teaching lessons at Music Makers. Thursdays are our busiest days – all four rooms are in use at once – mom’s signing up new students right and left. Business is good.
Back home.
Lentils, Kale, Carrots, and Volcano Rice.
Will and I drive out to Norfolk for a rock show at Toast. Ana’s plucking the bass in You’re Jovian. And Sink Tapes from New Jersey are rocking the stage. They play in town so much I’d consider them local. Meanwhile, the ping-pong table entertains most.
On the drive home Will and I discuss loss of hearing and how most likely in the future by the time we’re old and have hearing problems they’ll have viable solutions to restore hearing.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Strawberries, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Black Tea.
Business. Errands.
Toasted PB&J on Sourdough Bread. Potato Chips. Oolong Tea.
Teaching lessons at Music Makers.
Headache starts up after a while. Being patient takes a lot out of you.
Back home. Warming up some leftovers: Chicken with Kale, Carrots, Mushrooms, Onions, and Volcano Rice.
Watching Dog Eat Dog (2016).
Practicing songs at the studio.
I walk into the house in the middle of Will and Ana’s conversation about Kevin moving out of the house and into another apartment with Stacy. The whole thing with Kevin moving out feels a little surreal. He’s the only other surviving original member of 1435 and I’m the other. Who’s gonna make fun of his perpetual cheese and meat diet every day? Who’s gonna give him a hard time about leaving his laundry downstairs? What will the kitchen look like without his dirty pots and pans? But on a serious note, will his relationship with Stacy become a long-lasting one? We all really want it to be and we hope the best for them both.
An Orange and Chamomile Tea.
In Ana’s bedroom. She puts on some groovy tunes and dances for me (after I beg for it). We needed some sweet lovin’.
It’s understood I’m out of town with a few friends and family. Entering a hotel lobby – there’s a lot of commotion – tons of people moving around. My mom goes up the elevator after checking in with the staff. I’ve got a piece of paper in my hand telling which room is mine. I try to hop on the elevator but the staff won’t allow me to cause I didn’t sign in at the front. Signing in apparently involves getting a photo id made and a bunch of other stuff I don’t have time for. I just want to get to the room. I storm off down the hall looking for somebody in charge. A lady with a special collared shirt seems too busy to help me out. I keep trying to get her attention.
“Ma’am! Could you please help me?”
But nothing happens. Frustrated I run into a banquet hall and turn over a table with a bunch of pizzas on it causing a scene. Now all the attention is on me. I’m in trouble. Everybody is after me. I escape in the stairwell and stay hidden...
▬ ☼
Waking up at 11:18 a.m.
Irish Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Raisins, Maple Syrup, and Kefir. Guayusa Tea.
At the Rec finally after a week away from the gym. Now I’m feeling good enough to burn some calories on the basketball court.
Scrambled Eggs. Sourdough Bread with Non-Dairy Cream Cheese. Oolong Tea.
Teaching lessons at Music Makers.
Banana.
Back home. Ana cooks us a hearty dinner: Lentils with Onions, Kale, Carrots, and Quinoa.
We sit down at the table together and watch a little of a Miyazaki movie. Meanwhile, a cake is baking, Will is changing out the water filter in the kitchen sink, and Elvis is batting his paws through the black bars of the chair. While I wash the dishes mom and Ana devise a frosting recipe.
Later on, Anthony, Richie Howard (and his girlfriend) appear. We finished making Stacy’s cake. We all gather around, sing happy birthday, and enjoy moist chocolatey slices of cake. Stacy is actually turning 20 even though the candles say 110. That’s a Roman numeral II. Stacy takes her time thinking of a wish to make. The catchphrase of 2017: “Stop yelling at me”, even if you’re not really yelling.
Cleaning up the mound of dishes. Relaxing in the bedrooms chatting with Ana about the pressure she feels to pull together original songs for a show coming up. I try to encourage her creativity even when she gets afraid.
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