Sunday January 5 2020

Waking up at 11 a.m. next to Ana.

 

We head to Three Ships for Biscuits and Coffee. Mom is still on our minds and hearts but we feel at peace. She still hasn’t left us yet.

 

I received a text from Wanda that mom woke up at 6:45 in the morning, saw Karen Iverson and Wanda and said, “What the heck! I thought I’d be in heaven!”

 

I take the afternoon off to catch up on business and communications with people.

 

Scrambled Eggs. Toast with Vegan Cream Cheese. Salt n Vinegar Chips with Avocado. English Breakfast Tea.

Watching The Aeronauts (2019).

 

Composing a letter to be read at mom’s memorial.

 

Later on in the evening, I decide to go to the hospice to see mom. She’s awake and feeling restless – constantly wanting to sit up and scratching. The nurses come in often to help situate her and give her things to help with the itching or pain. I’m able to have a few more moments with her. I know she was upset to still be here this morning because she was ready. I play a little piano while she rests. Telling her I love you and anything else to help her feel at ease. The whole thing is still surreal but I still feel peace.

At some point I feed a small bite of a muffin that Ana’s mom brought. She saw the box of them and said she wanted it. The nurse came in and I explained that I was able to give her a bite.

“A pinch,” my mom corrects.

“That’s right. A pinch,” I say.

It’s funny cause we always joked about that at the house. There were many times she wanted to try whatever it was being eaten. She’d say she just wanted a pinch.

 

While driving away I put on this Helen Reddy song she used to sing when she was in the family band way back when, “Keep On Singing”. It’s just another trigger cause when I start singing the chorus it grips me and I can’t help but cry. I remember singing this song with her a long time ago at a gig.

 

Back home. Cooking dinner: Smoked Salmon with Sugar Snap Peas, Carrots, Kale, and Quinoa.

 

Settling down. Ana gets off work. I update her about mom. It’s getting really close. She’s experiencing anger about the whole thing. We sort through our feelings...