This is an open and unfiltered diary-style journal
on the life of James Robert Smith.
This blog will contain sometimes graphic experiences (both beautiful and ugly),
sometimes stark insight, and all honest and factual documentation of dreams, diet, activity, and thoughts.
Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Strawberries, and Almond Milk. Irish
Breakfast Tea.
Working out at the gym.
Seeing a new chiropractor over at The Giving Tree off
Rosemont. My neck has recently been in pain from I don’t know what. Justin Quail
gives the adjustment. He’s a very bright and social man with fast paced humor –
and gets the job done.
Scrambled Eggs. Toast with Butter and Jam. Salt n Vinegar
Chips with Avocado. Coffee.
Teaching lessons at Music Makers.
Right after is the band jam with Modern Day Warrior. I have
Alexa sit in on vocals tonight. Even though she’s only 10 years old she has the
professional voice of an adult. The band has a good time.
Back home. Making a quick dinner: Cabbage Salad with
Cucumbers, Tomatoes, Salmon, and Naan Bread.
Watching The Conjuring
2 (2016).
Ana gets off work and chats with me about her day and
things.
Catching up on business.
At the studio putting together the group/band photos.
Tuna Salad Sandwich with Tomato and Spinach. Salt n Vinegar
Chips with Avocado. Coffee.
Watching The Conjuring
(2013).
Teaching lessons at Music Makers.
As soon as I chime in to FaceTime one of my students, Anna,
for a lesson. I tell her, “What a day! What a day!” and we immediately start
writing a song with that line. Impromptu songwriting is the best.
After all lessons are done Roland and Jenna show up. I told
them they could practice their set for the house show coming up. Meanwhile, I
give Rebecca a little drum lesson to help with her rhythm on the tambourine in
ELO. We have a good solid talk afterwards about the stuff I’ve been going
through. Ana would not approve but honestly I need to hear another female
opinion on the matter – a lot of good insight to help Ana and I’s relationship.
Back home. Warming up a quick dinner: leftover Japanese
Style Fried Rice with Vegan Breakfast Sausages.
Ana gets off work while I’m eating. We have a nice and
constructive conversation – nothing too heated or heavy.
Catching up on business. Moving stuff out of the dining room
for the repairs tomorrow.
Going for a late night bike ride – listening to music. A black
cat crosses my path. Still mulling over all kinds of new thoughts.
Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, and Almond Milk. Irish
Breakfast Tea.
At the gym working out – going hard.
Scrambled Eggs. Biscuit with Butter and Jam. Spinach.
Coffee.
It’s extremely hot today!
Teaching lessons at Music Makers.
Cooking dinner for Ana and I: Peas, Corn, Onions, Kale, and
Quinoa.
ELO practice. I made a deal earlier with Ana that Rebecca
and I wouldn’t ride together, which I respected. Practice goes later than
usual. And of course this creates suspicion on Ana’s part. I don’t even
understand why. I just can’t win or make her comfortable about anything. It’s
so frustrating.
Cereal with Blueberries, Banana, and Almond Milk. Tea.
Running errands – all over the place. Stopping by Three
Ships then by the ELO rehearsal spot. Rebecca just finished up her dance
classes and is about to start the first session of Boot Camp. There’s actually
not a lot of kids at the moment – most are traveling or can’t commit to it. But
she still gives them a good time.
At H&M returning some clothes – stopping by Lowe’s for
some bungee cords – cleaning up the kitchen putting away groceries.
Back at the rehearsal spot helping Rebecca clean up – while
she cleans the bathroom I vacuum the whole room and hallway – who knows the
last time that was done.
I’m at Music Makers now organizing and getting rid of things
in the back room – moving a bunch of stuff to the new storage unit I rented
out.
Dinner: Smoked Salmon Sandwich with Spinach and Tomato. Five
Guys French Fries.
Watching The Conjuring
(2013).
Back at the studio finishing up the ultimate organization
for the back room. I’ve got every cord imaginable hanging up now.
Melon and Yogurt. Cookies.
Riding my bike late into the night (or early morning). Every
now and then a song comes on that just strikes the right chord. “Fuck!” I’ll
yell out loud right on the boardwalk. And just like that I’m taken to a
cathartic place.
Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, and Almond Milk. Irish
Breakfast Tea.
Teaching a few afternoon lessons at Music Makers.
Scrambled Eggs. Sourdough Toast with Butter and Jam.
Spinach. Chips. Coffee.
Catching up on chores and business.
Having a really good talk with Rebecca about some drama and
issues going on in our lives, well, mainly mine. Ana would hate the fact that
I’m talking to her about this but I feel it’s the only way to help the
situation. I explain the issue with riding together and how Ana is
uncomfortable about it along with some of the underlying reasons for it. It
feels good to just be open about it with Rebecca. She totally gets it and
understands. All is well!
After Ana gets off work we get some dinner at Baby Izakaya.
Enjoying some Ramen and all kinds of pickled goodness.
At the studio organizing this donated box of cables.
Pineapple. Peanut Butter Crackers.
Going for a late night bike ride down at the oceanfront –
engrossed in the music and feeling the catharsis.
“And if life is really
as short as they say then why is the path so long?”
Waking up next to Ana at noon thirty. Elvis pops up on the
bed attempting to wake us.
Cereal with Banana and Almond Milk. Tea.
Ana bakes the most delicious Blueberry Lemon Poppy Seed
Scones.
Cleaning up around the house – mainly vacuuming all of the
cat’s clumps of fur everywhere.
With it being Ana and I’s day off we drive out for lunch.
Enjoying a simple meal at Simple Eats out on the patio.
Crab Cake Sandwich with Home Fries and Slaw with Coffee.
Stopping by the B&L Farmer’s Market, formerly known as
Stoney’s Produce. They’ve really amped up the place with goats, chickens, and a
big fat pig named Wilbur.
Continuing to clean up the house – fixing things here and
there. Discovering people left a perfectly good mirror, lamp, and step stool by
the dumpster. Unbelievable.
Ana and I run some errands at Target.
I cook dinner throwing a bunch of leftovers together: Chic
Pea Pasta with Sauce, Zucchini, Squash, Onions, and Vegan Sausage.
Later on at the studio Ana and I jam – I on drums and her on
guitar. Then, making fire.
In my bedroom. There’s a tall tropical plant that needs some
TLC and especially water. I try to take care of it but there’s an unruly amount
of bugs infested in the plant. I discover a pair of human legs under the edge
of my mattress. It’s understood to be my mom’s and it’s understood I placed
them there some time ago but I don’t remember. I determine that the bugs may be
in my room because of the decomposing legs. However, they don’t look too far
along. Roland’s girlfriend, Jenna, is in here too discussing something related
to their band.
▬☼
Waking up around noon.
Oatmeal Breakfast Bar. Tea.
Working out at the gym with Vlad – focusing on triceps and
biceps.
Banana.
Scrambled Eggs. Spinach. Toast with Butter and Jam. Salt n
Vinegar Chips with Avocado. Coffee.
Teaching lessons at Music Makers. It’s one of those days
where a bunch of rescheduling takes place causing a lot of stress on the front
desk.
...
After all the lessons are done I take a few deep breaths and
catch up on all that happened at the desk. Rebecca comes out of her last lesson
and helps me sort through it. As I’m leaving Ana is blowing up my phone while
she’s at band practice, which I don’t understand. We share our “locations” on
the phone so she’s probably wondering what I’m doing at Music Makers so late.
There’s so much that’s been unraveling lately in regards to her paranoia and
insecurity. And I’m really becoming disillusioned by it all. I’m literally just
living my life, running my business, and trying to keep things going. There’s
no reason for her to ever not trust me. Either way, this creates some stress on
my part the rest of the night.
Making a quick dinner back home: Chic Pea Pasta with Sauce
and Kale.
Meeting up with Josh and Josiah for an actual Bamm Bamm
practice.
I walk into the unit, “Is this really happening? I can’t
believe it!”
We’ve been struggling to make a practice take place cause
there’s a house show in a few weekends. We brush off the cobwebs from the songs
we did last show.
Sardines and Crackers.
Later on, chatting with Ana in her bedroom about the day and
coming to some terms on things.
Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, and Almond Milk. Irish
Breakfast Tea.
Working out at the gym – shoulders day.
Tuna Salad Sandwich with Tomato and Spinach. Salt n Vinegar
Chips with Avocado. Coffee.
Teaching lessons at Music Makers.
Half a Scone to tide me over till band jam.
Modern Day Warrior boys practice from 8:30-10. I had Andrew
Perrot show up to fill in on drums and see how far along they are. We’re hoping
to book them a gig with his band at South Beach soon.
Back home. Cooking a quick dinner for myself: Japanese Style
Fried Rice with two Eggs and Baby Broccoli. Ana gets off work right about then.
Sitting down at the table and chatting with her. Lately, she’s been having to
wake up super early for horses and Pink Dinghy shifts.
At the gym working out – it’s leg day. During some leg press
sets I’m listening to an old playlist – a couple songs trigger some emotions.
Everything that’s been happening with Ana has been stressing me out – lately
it’s felt like everything is on the brink of a blowout. I press hard and
continue on.
Banana.
Scrambled Eggs. Toast with Butter and Jam. Spinach. Coffee.
Teaching lessons at Music Makers.
Back home after a long day’s work. Ana made us dinner: Vegan
Burgers with Roasted Broccoli, Cauliflower, and Potatoes.
We enjoy dinner at the table. We continue our arguments
about trust and how no matter what there’s always gonna be this deep rooted
pain inside her unless she seeks proactive healing from it. We get heated but
it’s a much more softer heat than last night or the night before.
Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, and Almond Milk. Irish
Breakfast Tea.
Finally able to go to the gym and work out! Focusing on
chest and back with some treadmill today.
Scrambled Eggs. Kale. Toast with Butter and Jam. Potato
Chips with Avocado. Coffee.
Teaching lessons at Music Makers. I teach only a small
amount today but have to help Madelaine handle a bunch of scheduling issues.
Later on, cooking dinner before Ana gets off work at 8.
Brown Rice Quinoa Spaghetti Noodles with Mushrooms, Onions,
and Tomato Sauce. Kale and French Baguette on the side.
At ELO rehearsal – running through both sets. Rebecca is
getting tighter and tighter on all the vocal parts every week.
...
Rebecca rode with me – when we arrive back at the studio Ana
is there practicing on her new guitar and pedals. Lately, Ana has showed a
disapproval of the ride situation every week between Rebecca and I. For me it’s
a no brainer. But she’s really affected by it. Late into the night we get into
an argument about how her inability to trust comes from deeper places unrelated
to me – and how if she doesn’t gain any healing from it she will continue to
suffer.
Cleaning the dishes while Ana learns French on her phone.
Driving over to the ELO space to help Rebecca lay down this
big vinyl for her ballet and hip-hop dance classes at 2 p.m. We’ve been adding
on these classes to the Music Makers programs – it seems to be building up
momentum.
While I’m over here I shop for some new things at H&M in
the mall. They still don’t have the fitting rooms open yet and apparently their
returns system is malfunctioning so I’m told if I want to return anything I’d
have to do that at another location.
Scrambled Eggs. Kale. Toast with Butter and Jam. Popped
Chips. Coffee.
Watching Curb Your
Enthusiasm.
I buy another big vinyl and bring it over towards the end of
Rebecca’s classes – her and Megan stick around to help figure out a system for
rolling it out and storing it.
Organizing the new storage unit over at Extra Space –
putting a few tubs and Broadway related things in there.
Cooking a quick dinner: Vegan Sausage with Baby Broccoli,
Carrots, and Brown Rice.
Catching up on business.
It’s after 3 a.m. and I’m on my bike gliding through the
oceanfront letting it all go in the wind!
Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, and Almond Milk. Irish
Breakfast Tea.
Teaching a few afternoon lessons at Music Makers.
Chic Pea Salad Sandwich with Salt n Vinegar Chips. Coffee.
Catching up on business.
Rebecca and I check out Ollie’s to buy a big vinyl floor for
her dance classes. The day before I rented out a new storage unit for space to
house Broadway things and other extra things at Music Makers. Showing her the
spot and giving her the key.
Taking care of things at the house.
Getting groceries.
Cooking – feels like I haven’t cooked in forever.
Maple Mustard Salmon with Brussel Sprouts, Carrots, Onions,
and Brown Rice.
Catching up on business.
Chores.
I decide to go for a late night bike ride to the oceanfront
– it’s a beautiful night – listening to ABBA and whatever else YouTube Music
decides is relevant – thinking about life.
Ana and I have this guideline we try to stick to late at
night: No conversations after 3 a.m. This is because it’s very easy to drift
into a heated or moody debate. The times of the day really make a difference
for us. She tends to be nicer to me when the sun is up but when the moon is
up...a different tale.
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