Sunday May 22 2022

Waking up just before noon.

 

Oatmeal with Cinnamon, Blueberries, Flax Seed, and Almond Milk. English Breakfast Tea.

 

Catching up on things.

 

Chatting with Ana in her room for a bit – just friendly things – nothing too deep. Meanwhile, Elvis sits atop his tower like a king.

 

Pondering and thinking and meandering in the wells of my mind about Ana and I. Coming to the realization that she is talking with someone else. It’s not her fault. It’s mine totally. I neglected and pushed her away. I let myself get distracted with everything else.

 

I continue about my day – dealing with things at the house.

 

Rebecca joins me on some errands to the Asian Market, Kroger, and Whole Foods.

 

Later on, I bring a drinking coconut over to her place to share and catch up on the latest. I give her the complete lowdown on my situation with Ana – she knows mostly what’s going on but not everything. It feels good to let it out so she knows what I’m dealing with and the emotional battle I’ve been facing. It’s hard for me to hold back the tears but I manage. She brings some good perspective – how I should try not to look at it as I pushed her down this path but rather I GOT her to this path she’s chosen. I need to take responsibility for my part in the downfall of our relationship but also understand it involved both Ana and I.

 

Letting this excerpt from The Prophet resonate with me,

“For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

...

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

     For love is sufficient unto love.”

 

Dinner: Tuna Steak with Brussel Sprouts and Potatoes.

 

Ana’s off work at 11. I attempt to have a one on one conversation with her where she’s not rushing out the door. But she’s adamant about not linking up cause she already has plans. It’s been very apparent that she’s “talking” to someone else. It stings a little at first but I understand she is seeking happiness elsewhere cause it’s not here.

 

Dropping my car off at the shop – it’s almost midnight – then walking back home. It’s a beautiful summer night too. I don’t know why but I generally feel better about everything.

 

Chores.